As I looked over the stones I couldn't help but think, "Do I sound like that?"
I got into Tarot because I wanted to help people. I wanted to be a counselor. Between my Epilepsy and ADHD Tarot gave me all the ins without all the bullshit. I have no short term memory and I space out a lot. School was hard. The Occult was the loophole I needed. Spiritual guidance. No diploma necessary. I was just really good because I had tools. My hat is wide and deep.
I studied Psychology, Counseling, and Energy Healing on my own time. With it came more knowledge than I would have ever imagined. Quantum Physics, History, Evolution, Poetry and Art came along with it.
Mysticism. Nothing has meaning unless you assign it some. The word Mysticism in itself is a rabbit hole just in definition alone.
Websters has one definition: A belief in the existence of realities beyond perceptual or intellectual apprehension that are central to being and directly accessible by subjective experience.
It sure takes the Whoo wooo out of it all when you read it like that doesnt it?
The cards are a navigation through the Subconscious mind. Waters that are fearfully tread. They are the map.
A few days after my visit to the rock shop I woke up and did my regular day creating routine. My daily spreads help prepare me for the Energy and Karma for the day. I was using my new Wildwood Deck I just bought. Three cards came up: The Tower, Three of Swords, and a card named "Mourning".
Upon first glance I didn't want to believe it. I denied it. No way could today be THAT bad of a day. I figured I could think my way out of it and expect the best and it would go away. Nope. It was that kind of day. A phone call was received a few hours after the cards were laid and my Aunt had finally passed. She had been sick for a while.
I was mad at the cards. Not mad per say. Just frustrated with them. They had come into my life and harassed me for over 4 years. Everyday, Every minute, every breath I had been living, eating, sleeping Tarot. I was married to Tarot. I considered it in every move I made; every thought I had... with every sense I owned.
I had committed myself to this for reasons to this day I still cannot understand. Now that day the cards warned me. Even though I had denied the cards and went on my marry way, the moment I was told of the news the first thing I thought was... Oh that's what the cards meant.
The Cards. The damn cards.
No wonder why so many think you are evil. What a tool. To pin consciousness on a cross. To locate consciousness in time and space.
I took a long break from Tarot. I still drew my daily spreads... but my heart wasn't in it. I withdrew from the relationship. Today I drew a card from my Dream Cards. I got Bridge.
It was comforting. I have no idea where I'm going but at least I know I am on the right path. My home is still a dream... but I can see it... it is coming into focus. It is materializing. Its been a long road.
I am about to enter into the world of the unknown. The Subconscious mind to get what I want. The Bridge is there to move back and forth. Humans are evolving. Our brains are changing. Dormant things are being awakened.
I went to an Antique mall and saw a white porcelain head with black markings all over it to teach a class about the functions of the brain. I held it in my hands and rolled it left to right. The one side filled with markings. Rational choices. Thinking controlling. The other side.... nothing. Uncharted territory.
Not for long.
