So I just got my new deck. I was so happy to go to the mail today. I just got my second edition to the Book of Shadows Tarot. AND I AM IN FUCKING LOVE!!!!!
You guys. *Gasp* You have no idea. This deck is so easy to read it is retarded. And EXACTLY what I needed right now.
The As Above deck is amazing in itself. It is a unique system by itself. Then when you delve into this one it makes everything real.
Which is EXACTLY where I am at RIGHT NOW. I suppose we all are. Well anyone that resonates with my page that is.
A lot of you know that my favorite deck is the Robert Hanson. I love the Magic of that deck. The simplicity and childlike in color and character.
As you can see I also receive my new Andara. Merlin. Which makes me think of the Seven of Cups in that deck. The Magician hovers over all of possibility and envisions it from the array of goodies the cosmos has to offer. Some people say it is delusional. Confusing. And overwhelming. Those people lack vision.
I am a visionary. A gift honed through practice to be skilled in my craft. A craft that is highly under appreciated. Perhaps that is why I feel that way sometimes. Like Tarot.. our power is not taken very seriously. Some people still are under the spelled of black magic cast by religion. Others out of shear ignorance. Some out of denial. I wonder if Catholic Priests had empty confessional booths. I mean who really wants to confess their sins anyways?
No one likes to admit their faults. Our pride stands in the way. Our Ego just can't take the hard Truth... even if it keeps us small.
I get it. I get it. I guess I am not mad any longer. My desire to save everyone has passed. Instead it has changed into a loving appreciation for having such an amazing gift. It has not always been easy. But I embrace challenges. I love to change. Deep inside I know I want to see what I am really made of. That Desire... is what drives me.
I see this Desire in the first card I drew. The Ace of Wands. Lighting a Fire. The Lovers. In the picture it shows a couple looking at the house of their dreams for sale. My husband and I have spent a lot of time lately figuring out what it is we want for our lives.
“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.” — Voltaire
I just love this Ten of Wands. A woman opens the door to her home after a long nights work. My last spread work and what Tom talked about makes sense. It is just so much. But it feels good. Shit has been all over the place. Changes fast. Not so much in our lives... but within ourselves and so therefore how our world works.
The Empress. It's funny I was just telling my husband I wanted a garden for the kids. Logan is a Taurus Moon baby and Darby is a Aries/Taurus cusp. I think they will really dig it. Nuck nuck.
I am learning how to be a good mom. I think I was always a good mom... I just had to get over the psycho-ness of my own mother. I'm sure if anyone read this that knew her would act like I am crazy. "But she is sooo nice". Yeah. I suppose that is what you would see. I suppose that is why she didn't care for me that much. I was painful for her in many ways I don't think I will ever understand. But at this point, as Tom says, I don't really care. I am over it. I am a great mom and that is all that matters.
I love my kids fiercely.
I told my hubby today, "They won't look back on these days and think about all the things they DIDN'T have. Right now all they will do is look back and remember being happy." That is what is important. And if we keep working as hard as we do... when they are old enough that things start to matter... we will have everything they will need and more.
That's my dream.
This Six of Cups. I feel that looking at this image any day soon than TODAY it would have been painful for me. Out of the 78 cards of the Tarot I have always struggled with this card. The Six of Cups. I suppose because it is about childhood innocence, childhood, love, present moments, family connection. Our family was so so so incredibly broken. But it looked shiny and nice on the outside. Never judge a book by its cover. You don't know anyone until you go into their home... and then into their experience. I grew up in a lie. Which is why it was so hard for me to decipher between what was real and what wasn't real. On top of that is was tense. Which caused me to have what they call "AdHd." My Third Eye, Crown, and my Heart Chakra were wide open. The rest were all closed. So I got called a dreamer... spacey. I didn't understand Math... so I was called dumb. Living in a world of lies with the ability to see the Truth was hurtful. People will protect those lies. Even if it means ruining what is sweet and innocent. The people I loved the most were living a lie. It was no wonder that when I got into the real world I could not tell who was lying and who wasn't. Poor kid. You suffer, you learn, you change.
I got my first deck when I was 22. The Winged Spirit Deck. I couldn't read it for shit so I went and got a Rider Waite. I studied these two for 2 years before I bought another deck. I just stopped and thought, "why am I saying this?" then I looked and saw the King of Wands and the one boy said, "Shut up and tell the story"... K fine.
I cannot explain the desire I had to read these cards. It was a deep deep thirst for Truth among all the lies around me. I never had any pre-conceived ideas of Tarot being "bad" before. I just saw it in the "Spirituality" section of the Bookstore. I am a book Whore. I have always been interested in the Occult. To me... it seemed more free and creative. Than any of the other stuff.
Little did I know then that it was an invitation by my soul to know itself. Some people say you need to be "gifted" Tarot. Bullcrap. But it does choose you. When you want Truth... when you are ready. There is it. The only thing is... it only gives you what you put into it. Let's just say I have invested a lot in Tarot. But it has actually given me the gift of knowing myself in all my parts. And in knowing myself... I understand the world around me better. And what exactly that relationship means in the grand scheme of things.
I was suppose to record today's readings and upload them to YouTube. But I am going to wait until my hubby gets his GoPro cam cause THAT would be awesome AND easy to record my spread work. So today I am typing it out.
It kills me to see the Queen of Swords card. If Barbara Moore reads this I hope she finds that humorous as well. I love this. The Teacher. *Sigh* finally. Somebody gets it.
The Wheel of Fortune. I know the Wheel always suggests of good luck. A huge piece of me is scared to get excited because I have been let down so so so many times. But then I hear Tom's voice. "Choose to love again." and then Pink lyrics.
We aren't broken. Just bent. It is that twisted love I explained in my last spread work. Hurt divides us... but love re-unites us. That's the game. That's the ride. My family always teased me because when I was little I wanted to change my name to Crystal Rose. My name is Amanda... which I HATED. I demanded to be called Mandy. Jordan Hoggard said, "It means worthy of love." What's in a name anyways right? When we can be so many things.
The next two cards got me so excited. That is me. That is me teaching right there. There I am. I would OWN that. I will OWN that. Now that Merlin has chosen me I know he is here to help me get there. The woman who I bought it from said to let her know when I get it... but she will be out of town doing a retreat. Tarot is coming to light in a big big way now. As everyone is seeing the lies more clearly and are all desperately seeking the Truth. I don't want to read for them. I want to teach them how to read for themselves. To find the answers within. Everyone always says that. But it is so hard to understand the concept.... but when looking in to the cards it makes it so easy to look in the mirror. Believe me... our souls know what we need to see... what we need to hear...
The Seven of Swords. To which I call the Divided Mind... mental compartmentalization. We just need to get all our files in the right places...
The girl looks so ready to crack open those books. She is ready to get to work.
The Hiero-Hyerophant? Weird. Now I have to get the booklet. Hmmm spelled right in the Booklet. Either I am reading too much into it or someone really fucked up... lol. "Making knowledge accessible and understandable to others". Dude you have no idea. This is so true. I really am a master of my Craft.
The Seven of Cups. Again. Fuckin Aye. The Student, The Doctor, The Voice, Justice, The Traveler... Oh the places you will go. I swear the battle is all about believing we deserve what we want.
I have always been ridiculed as being a dreamer. Ostracized, hunted, and damn near killed. And I am still standing here saying FUCK THE FREE WORLD.
The Six of Pentacles. You have to give... to get. To have to try. You have to work. To have to want it. No one can give you drive. That comes from you.
This last card makes me want to cry. That is me and my husband. I always told him... even from our first official "date" that I wanted to eat at a restaurant like Gordon Ramsey where they serve you tons of big plates with small food on it. Dress all fancy and be served in fine dining. The crystals dangle above them. The Magic comes from her. I know a part of him is intimidated by my power. I get that. But I know he loves me. He believes in me. I know that. And we choose each other over and over again. It is the love that we have that made me understand what love really is. That it is messy... and hard... but worth it. That when love is your foundation and you keep fighting for it... it will prevail.
What a rough couple of weeks huh hunny? Fighting off the Devil... growing in leaps and bounds. He says to me, "We are just two fucked up people who found each other." Fucked up in all the same places. Hence why we were attracted to each other. This was on a very grand scale as well. I met him when I lived in San Diego... he was from Wyoming... I from Chicago. We didn't meet again until years later. He showed up at my door. Literally. Not for me... well at least we didn't know it at the time ;)
Life finds a way....
My passion is to teach people how to help themselves. How to figure out what it is they want... and show them how to get it. I get so annoyed when people say, "Like the Secret"? No... no. Not like the Secret. This isn't blind faith... this is a deep understanding of our own nature and the relationship we have to the Cosmos.
Damn Merlin. You are so good.
I look at the Chariot card. There I am... in the Driver's seat. My hubby in the passenger seat. He is ready to go on this ride with me. Our three kids in the back. You get what you give.
