Battling My Nature

My birthday is January 23rd. This is the first decan of Aquarius.

The first, Uranus/Saturn decan of Aquarius The first decan of Aquarius is complex and individualistic in effect. These people are free thinkers and non-conformists who still have an active moral consciousness and desire to benefit the community in some way. In spite of being highly socialized and group-oriented, they can long for solitude, and be sombre in mood and depressed while displaying a joyful exterior. You'll almost never find one of these people stupid or mentally simple - even with very limited education they manage to seem insightful, impartial and reasonable. They can be calculating and cold and aren't ideally suited for deep emotional commitment. Money and status are seldom a goal in itself. They want meaningfulness.

Astroroom.com

Anyone who chooses the path of Astrology or Tarot must not be easily offended. It requires one to be brutally honest with themselves. In Corrine Kenner's Book Tarot and Astrology she talks about the "Lord of Defeat". 

"A visionary crusader, and a firm believer in struggle and insurrection. Aquarius doesn't hesitate to pick up a sword and fight for its own idea of Justice."

I have gotten to know myself in this card a whole lot over the years. The Five of Swords is about winning and losing. In my life if I didn't feel like I was winning then I was without a doubt... losing. 

I feel that the Five of Swords is an ego based concept. It is an internal mental battle. The only competition that exists is truly within ourselves. 

So here is my draw in regards to the situation using Barbara Moore's Steampunk Tarot. 

"Who doesn't love success? After all, it is a "winner take all" world isn't it? And we all know that to the victor goes the spoils. This is probably why we enjoy playing games. The rules and the terms of winning are clearly defined; everyone involved knows all the consequences of any possible action. If only reality were so simple. The game of life is much longer, much broader, and much, much more complicated than any other game could ever be."

The game of life. What does it take to win? In the past it meant beating out your competition. The old paradigm says that there is limited resources in the world we see beyond ourselves therefore we must fight to survive and thrive. The more people that find out that this is not true find the battle moved from the world around us to within us. Instead of battling each other we challenge ourselves.

The only person we are truly competing against is the person we were yesterday. Everyone involved in this game of life are here to help each other along. Whether to teach harsh lessons or to deliver healing ones people are available to Spirit in the flesh. 

I love this Ten of Pentacles. This is what I do. I shuffle the cards and dream this dream. I am almost there. I remember five years ago when I was in a dark place in my life. Back then I thought about what it was I wanted out from my life. I wanted a loving marriage with my best friend who's clothes I wanted to rip off. I wanted a house with kids and my dog. I wanted to find a career that would support my creativity and my passion for counseling. 

We are closing on our house on Thursday... me, my husband, my three kids and my pit bull Maggie Moo. I used Tarot to do it all. Which so happens to be my career. Isn't life grand? 

It was this dreaded Five of Swords that always got in my way. It constantly told me that I had to fight to win. That life was hard.  It is the Five of Swords mentality that is wrong in our politics. The ones that have all and the rest who have nothing. 

I would say this card feels a lot like running through the mud of a self-defeatist attitude. People like me are the worst people to read for. They are stubborn and dead set on their ideas of the way the world works.... and the world is always against them. I have spent the last five years battling my nature. I can stand here today and say I think I won. 

The Ten of Wands says, "What is more burdensome: The Past that is known or the Future that is unknown?"

"The girl walks down the street, carrying her bundle of wands that represent her intent, choices, and actions. Each one a repercussion of her choices she has made or actions she has took. The cards littering the path behind her are face-up, representing her conscious knowledge of her past and how it has created her present situation. Both realizations weigh heavy on her, but, being a creature of wands, she does not despair. On the contrary, she discovers her own inner determination, strength, and power. Shouldering what she has created, her responsibilities, she uses her experience to light her way forward, bravely stepping onto the next as-yet-unrevealed card and into the unknown."

Sometimes it is painfully aware to us how we got to certain situations in our lives. That is if we are willing to not deny them. A less evolved person will blame others. Blame certain people who they feel poo pooed on their parade. Or an injustice beyond their control. It's the damn government... DAMN THE MAN!!!! The world is against me. I am but weak and frail. 

Don't blame others for denying your own power. 

Trust me. I know what I am talking about. With a birth card of the Five of Swords I am qualified to tell you this. I gave my power away to everyone. Everything that scared me. I allowed myself to treat myself very poorly. When we are quick to give our power away everyone will stand in line to get some of it. Psychic Vampires who can't pull from their own internal source so they feed off of everyone else's. Zombies who are so dead inside and all they do is mindlessly feed and kill off everything that lives. Lower level entities who so desperately want a body of their very own. Who will quickly inhabit yours since you so willingly reject it. 

If I can reclaim my power then so can you. Stop blaming others. The only one to blame is yourself. Take responsibility for your choices and actions. Use the knowledge to make new choices. The light of awareness will light your way. 

"The structure she stands on represents her worldview. Finely crafted, complex, every element carefully selected, it contains her values. This is her character and the source of her strength. This is how she knows what is worth fighting for. This is what fuels her determination. This is her certainty."

Seven of Wands from the Steampunk Tarot