Stand By Me

The Fool

"In this age, everyone is teaching how to let go, trust God, Be in the "now", be free. The fool lacks Judgement. The fool lacks the ability to use reason. Is the fool a joke? Or is the Fool the key? The fool is Zero... nothing. Yet everything."

 ‎"The fool provides entertainment. But if we look a little deeper it is often more than entertainment. The fool gets to tell the truth, the hard truths that might cause trouble if anyone else tells them."

‎"He speaks in jest and we laugh. He speaks in parables and we struggle to understand."

"The fool plays and everybody knows that play is not serious so he can accomplish the difficult, controversial issues in play."

"The fool that would bring out those aspects of ourselves that society doesn't approve of and which it sees as "subversive" or "undesirable" is the one who challenges conformity and spurs us to question and maybe to change."

And I'm Still Standing Three of Wands

The Three Of Wands

I always had a hard time talking with this card. It always just looked like waiting to me. I drew it often and always thought... yeah I am still waiting for my ship to come in.

I felt the guy was standing there waiting to be rescued from something. Which is how I felt whenever I pulled this card.

Today I see something different. The man is alone on this island (Or so I imagine). He is looking out at the boats which holds people. Its like what he wants is over "there" and he is over "here".

The man has obviously been productive and has survived despite his isolation.

I have battled loneliness my entire life. I lacked foundation in my family life and I created this "bubble" so to speak to protect myself and survive. A very dissociative way of living in the world. Now I am older and have popped my bubble yet I still battle the feelings of me being here and the rest of the world being over there.

I do always feel like I am waiting for someone to come. Like I am standing on the cliff desperately wanting to be seen and rescued. In my deck the ships look like they are sailing away as if they dont even see me.

I always think of Tom Hanks in Castaway... he gets so lonely he talks to a volleyball. Neurosis sets in and all he has left to comfort him is the human will to survive.

Like the movie The Blue Lagoon I feel like I am in this jungle of a world and I am left to fend for myself.

This, of course, is part of my conditioning as a child and my beliefs that no one is here to support me. Something I battle with every day of my life.

I suppose this is a sad interpretation of this card... but it is one none the less... this is what I see today... it is what I see to help me work through my psychological issues.

Today I see a card of feeling abandoned and forgotten yet not in a five of pentacles type of way... I and surviving and self reliant yet I observe humanity from a distance. I can see it in my view but it is out of my reach.

As I stand on firm hard land, I look out to the emotional waters of what my heart wants yet is not in my physical reality. The shoreline draws a distinct line from the land to the water. It serves as a boundary I have drawn for myself... representing the bubble in a way. My island.

 



Trusting the Tarot

When I made the decisions to start putting myself out there with my Tarot I was afraid. Having studied for years I always felt that I never wanted to influence anyone's life with incorrect messages.

Since doing readings for people, I have learned to trust the Tarot more and more. To just know that I will see what needs to be worked on.

One reading came up with the Devil card. It turned out my client was cheating on her husband. Another reading came up with the Death card. It turned out a month prior to the reading the client almost died of an overdose.

However, I was unable to pick up on these things. I always want to find the light puffy meaning of enlightenment and uplift my clients. I need to come to the realization that the Tarot is not judgemental or bias and will give me the gruesome details to which I might not want to be aware of.

Stronger than an Oak

Moving from Illinois to Wyoming has been quite a shock.

They call is culture shock.

I am in the adjustment phase in the four stages of culture shock.

"Adjustment phase:
Again, after some time (usually 6 to 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal". One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture, and begins to accept the culture ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

One thing I desperately missed was Oak trees. My person favorite. It resonates with my soul. Tall, strong, wise, and mystical. I felt I had many rings to my core as well.

Northern Illinois is green and prosperous. It was lush and had a green decadence. The falls were something to behold. Sixty feet of glowing magnificence. The winters showed the gnarly bare branches hibernating their power waiting for the release of the spring.

Winter is the time to draw inward and cultivate our power so that it can be released into the spring to create an abundant world.

Here in Wyoming. There are no trees. Well so I saw. To me, they were sickly and weak. They are thin and straggly.

I sometimes sit and look at the tree in my backyard. It is ten feet and half the branches on it are dead. The branches look frail and starved.

Today I was looking at it and saw something else. I saw how strong that tree actually is. How much more it had to fight for its existance. The very tree I looked at as weak became stronger than an oak.

An oak branches become hardened. With no flexibility no change can take place. As a result it becomes too heavy and falls.

A tree out here is a survivor. With its harsh winters and desert like environment it still grows.

Oak Trees: In Celtic mythology, it is the tree of doors, believed to be a gateway between worlds, or a place where portals could be erected

In Norse mythology, the oak was sacred to the thunder god, Thor. Some scholars speculate^{[weasel words]} that the reason for this is that the oak – the largest tree in northern Europe – was the one most often struck by lightning. Thor's Oak was a sacred tree of the Germanic Chatti tribe. According to legend, the Christianisation of the heathen tribes by Saint Boniface was marked by the oak's being replaced by the fir (whose triangular shape symbolizes the Trinity) as a "sacred" tree.^[29]

Willow Trees: Willow is grown for biomass or biofuel, in energy forestry systems, as a consequence of its high energy in-energy out ratio, large carbon mitigation potential and fast growth.

Quaking Aspen: Here in Wyoming...



It propagates itself primarily through root sprouts, and extensive clonal colonies are common.

So if I had to learn about myself through these trees is that everything is beautiful Everything is God. I am a part of that everything and encompass everything.

In Illinois I was rigid. I was hard. Out here in Wyoming, I am starving myself of all luxury and convenience to find something stronger in myself. To find something deeper.

There is no such thing as a smart teacher... only smart students. I am a student of life and my greatest teacher is God.

Update on Finances

To anyone who was with me during my process of conquering my fear of my financial situation I felt you deserved an update.

So today, our finances are no different than when I did my heavy work on my beliefs, thought patterns, and behavior patterns that reinforced the reality I was experiencing.

But I am different. I sit longer with my kids. I gaze more deeply into their eyes. I am not so pre-occupied with my worry.

Life is better. Smoother. More joyful. Work well done.

Since then, however, I have signed up to be a psychic advisor on a new psychic network. It is just beginning and I enjoy the website designer. He is very gifted and has a powerful future. I am honored to be a part of it.

As it will serve as another potential income I find myself afraid and insecure.

I had a dream last night that I was being chased. In researching psychological correspondences for dream I found that it often represents insecurity.

I also, had a disscussion with my sister regarding her insecurity and how it is sabotages her relationships yesterday.

The synchronicities are all there. This is a wound. A belief that does not serve me. My insecurities are truly the only thing holding me back.

I have earned the knowledge and understanding. I have the heart and the intention. All I lack is the confidence. That, I need to gain. Experience is the only thing that will help me overcome this. A sort of stage fright I need to make peace with.

So in all, the work I did before my leave of rest is paying off. I am no longer a slave to money. I have conquered my fear and now I am in a place to see clear enough my opportunities.

And with that, I draw another spread:

Myself: Six of Cups

I am able to go back and see my past patterns in order to change.

Release: Six of Pentacles

I am learning that money flows. There is a natural balance when at ease. Constrictions of our beliefs about money truly results in a physical restriction in our lives.

Is is this way because our patterns contribute to all our processes.

Above: Queen of Pentacles

Inner stability

Below: Knight of Pentacles (reversed)

A new opportunity is here. The new network I joined. It represents my block towards allowing it to come into my life.

Past: Five of Pentacles (reversed)

I chose to not feel rejected by my source.

Future: Page of Pentacles

I am now seeing clearly my new opportunity for prosperity.

Affecting Me: Tower

Truth that has allowed old beliefs to drop away.

External Influences: King of Pentacles

Outward focus of earth energy. Building... prosperity... achieving... obtaining.

Hopes and Fears: Queen of Wands

Inner spirit. Fire energy within. Feminine aspect of power directed inward.

I fear to release this power... but it is what I desire.

Final Outcome: Emperor (Reversed)
I am finally goint to overcome my limitations.

Thirsty?

My landlord came over yesterday. This area, being predominantly Mormon, in Wyoming is called "God's Country."

He gave me yet another version of the Bible. I received one from a Mormon missionary when I moved into town.

I also am visited frequently by Jehovah Witnesses. My mother became a born again Christian when I was in 8th grade.

I had a Russian Energy healer for a friend, a Muslim Persian for a boss, a Jewish girl from Isreal for a co-worker, a Spanish Catholic for a mentor, and a witch for a mother in law.

I admit, I struggled with Jesus, as we all do.

Through learning and exploring myself and the world I perceived I found self-actualization.

Finding out who I am and doing what it is I desire to truly find a deep sense of bliss is a result of hard internal focus and a trust in being able to express it in the world.

One thing I notice about talking to Jesus lovers is that they learn how to use their human mechanism and their energetic bodies to drink the waters of life.

Many Christians tell me that you "thirst" for Jesus. That they get to a point that all they want is more Jesus.

I find a lot of people addicted to Jesus. Addicted to the energy current that sustains their life.

I often hear people say, "who are you in Jesus?"

Some people call us the flesh coats... the puppet of God.

Most new age books talk about eliminating our "self". To destroy our ego and live an enlightened life.

People say we co-create with God. The co-creation part is simply being yourself. God created you special and knows every desire... passion.... thrill... disappointment.... naughty thought... gruesome deed.

Yet we still feel shame.

Why?

The story of Adam and Eve talked about how they realized they were naked and were ashamed and hid from God.

When we are ashamed to be who we are it is an insult to our creator.

We dont need to be religious goody goodies. Jesus freaks. All we need to do is accept and loves ourselves... stand naked before God.

If you are addicted to Jesus like you are addicted to anything else, you are not loving yourself.