And I'm Still Standing Three of Wands

The Three Of Wands

I always had a hard time talking with this card. It always just looked like waiting to me. I drew it often and always thought... yeah I am still waiting for my ship to come in.

I felt the guy was standing there waiting to be rescued from something. Which is how I felt whenever I pulled this card.

Today I see something different. The man is alone on this island (Or so I imagine). He is looking out at the boats which holds people. Its like what he wants is over "there" and he is over "here".

The man has obviously been productive and has survived despite his isolation.

I have battled loneliness my entire life. I lacked foundation in my family life and I created this "bubble" so to speak to protect myself and survive. A very dissociative way of living in the world. Now I am older and have popped my bubble yet I still battle the feelings of me being here and the rest of the world being over there.

I do always feel like I am waiting for someone to come. Like I am standing on the cliff desperately wanting to be seen and rescued. In my deck the ships look like they are sailing away as if they dont even see me.

I always think of Tom Hanks in Castaway... he gets so lonely he talks to a volleyball. Neurosis sets in and all he has left to comfort him is the human will to survive.

Like the movie The Blue Lagoon I feel like I am in this jungle of a world and I am left to fend for myself.

This, of course, is part of my conditioning as a child and my beliefs that no one is here to support me. Something I battle with every day of my life.

I suppose this is a sad interpretation of this card... but it is one none the less... this is what I see today... it is what I see to help me work through my psychological issues.

Today I see a card of feeling abandoned and forgotten yet not in a five of pentacles type of way... I and surviving and self reliant yet I observe humanity from a distance. I can see it in my view but it is out of my reach.

As I stand on firm hard land, I look out to the emotional waters of what my heart wants yet is not in my physical reality. The shoreline draws a distinct line from the land to the water. It serves as a boundary I have drawn for myself... representing the bubble in a way. My island.