So this morning, I received a phone call from my husband at work. The car we just purchased four months ago brokedown and the repairs were couple thousand dollars. We took a big hit.
He informed me that we have $8.00 in the bank account. We dont get paid till Friday. Wonderful. You would think my mind would reel.... Formula, Diapers, Milk, Food, Gas, that electric bill is due tommorrow..... and the insurance is on automatic withrawl!
Nope.
I simply said... we will figure it out.
For the last couple weeks I have been drawing the Five of Pentacles card. It was trying to warn me. I admit I was in denial. I thought to myself that I was misinterpreting the card.... Nope.
I just view it as a test. A big shadow puppet trying to hit my soft spots.
Ain't gonna happen.
Thus inspiration for my reading for the day.... Let's see what we get.
Spread: Celtic Cross
HAhahaaa.... Yeeeeeyup.... just as I had suspected. Death, the Tower... this is a mess.
Here we go...
Present: Three of Wands (Reversed)
Waiting. Does this card mean my ship isn't sailing in? No... that can't be it... I am made to thrive...
I think it is saying I am no longer waiting for my "ship" to sail in. I am no longer not living happily everyday waiting for the so called "future" to get better.
I am witnessing history at this moment. One hundred years from now, this moment will be history. I am no longer living this moment yearning for the future.
(Note: It makes me think of the Six of Cups... Living in the Past)
Problem: The Star
Oh those soothing waters... heavenly waters. I am hanging to hope. Hope is when we decide to go inside for something that soothes us... Not Externally.
Instead of grabbing for a drink, or a pill, or a cupcake. When we realize that everything outside of us never tuly satisfies. When we get desperate enough to look elsewhere.
We begin to turn to ourselves for nurturing from within. We reach for the watery emotion that cools, soothes, and nourishes.
It is the point where all that pain, hurt, devil and addiction finally start coming to and end and the new has not yet given birth....
So are through the flames.
Once we no longer have the addiction to grab onto, we start holding onto ourselves.
Above: Four of Cups (Reversed)
I like to think this card is saying to me that I am having a "sit in".
Definition of Sit-In
I am sitting down crossing my arms and I am taking a stance. I am no longer going to stand for this.
These emotions that come from this fear is no longer going to be tolerated.
Enough is Enough.
Below: Two of Cups (Reversed)
I need to know the meaning of community. People rely on eat other. It is how we survive and evolve.
I need to learn to receive support from others. Up to late, I always wanted to do things myself. If you want something done right, do it yourself. You are the only one you can count on.
Such Bullshit.
That voice inside saying that is insane.
Definition of Insane
Me not wanting to let people in and open my heart to them is only a dentriment to myself....
Most people tell themselves they would rather be alone then get hurt by another. I am here to tell you that you are the only one hurting yourself.
Past: Death
The gim reaper. The harvester. Death came into my life and if cutting away all those insane thought forms... all those bad behaviors and reaping them away.
A cycle is being complete. Life is done teaching me to be afraid of money and security. Life has drawn the poison from me.
Future: Seven of Swords
I get to pick which thoughts I choose to give power to. This whole bag filled of ideas of poverty, struggle, and hardship and I can CHOOSE which thoughts I want to believe.
I choose to pick thoughts that make me more trusting... have more courage.
I choose to hang on to Hope and allow death to rid me of all that does not serve me.
Affecting Me: Ten of Cups
I am learning to be grateful. I am learning who the real source of all my love and pain come from. My heart is filled with gratitude for my God who supplies me with hard knocks to make me better.
I am usually always grateful in my life for all the good things.... usually. But I am now learning to be grateful for all the bad things as well... those bad things are just poison that has yet to be drained.
External Influences: Eight of Cups
I am walking away from these feelings of hurt and fear. I am able to recognize that the feelings of fear are within me about money and security... but I am choosing to let them be there and not let them affect me.
In time, the more I walk away from these feelings, the less power they have over me.
Hopes and Fears: Five of Swords
I fear to be the victor. In the battle over releasing the bad thoughts and the victory of being left standing with the good thoughts... I am winning.
I have to not fear winning the fight in my head. The thoughts I choose with the Seven of Swords will leave me in triumph in the Five of Swords.
Final Outcome: Tower (Reversed)
I am able to stop this. This catastrophic situation that I find myself in can leave and go back where it came from.
I am able to identify my wrong thinking and catch it before it manifests. I have been able to let go and the result of that is me flying through these troubles in Hope and Faith.
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In conclusion, I think I am just over being afraid of money.... or should I say lack there of. I am taking refuge in my faith and I am going to sit down and let Death take from me whatever it is I need to rid myself of this fear once and for all.
I am going to be happy no matter what the bank account is. I am going to put my trust in the process of life. Humanity is Pro-Life. Survival is key to our evolution... I put my hope in the fact that my creator has me right where he wants me and he will never put me in any TRUE danger. Only I can do that.
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