Spiritual Fasting

My last post/reading in regards to my fear of money goes well with my experience of fasting. So I want to talk about that for a little bit.

I recently had my third child... and for any of you that knows me, I do NOT take pregnancy well.

As with every human being, I have my own addictions. It jumps around be it medicinal, recreational, or or simply indulging in pleasure.

Being pregnant really limits the types of addiction you can continue. One however that is okay is FOOD.

My tiny frame of usually 125 pounds blows up to 215 every single time.

I do not like being fat. I can FEEL how unhealthy I am when I get fat. I am sluggish, lazy, and my confidence is in the shitter.

When I am lazy and sluggish I dont move much which traps me inside of my head where the voices berate me for being all these things: FAT LAZY=WORTHLESS

Then what do I do to soothe the pain of these voices? I reach for more food. Ah the destructive cycle of addiction. Addiction is when you look for comfort, soothing, nourishment, and love in anything outside of yourself.

So, I decided to research spiritual fasting. I knew that it a long time traditions to many cultures and religions.

I really didnt know what to expect really. First I started off eating smaller meals... then gradually I starting skipping meals... then I starting to eat only healthy foods...

All the while I listened to these voices in my head. I really listened. You are hungry... eat. You are sad... eat.
You are BORED EAT!

My struggle with temptation made my heart go out to all the people who kick a heroin addiction.

Sometimes I would win.... and sometimes I would lose... once I had an all out unconscious bing. This is the point where I would then beat myself up and give up.

I chose to ask for forgiveness. I forgave myself for my slip up and told myself that I should not feel bad because I was still learning.

Then I told myself that tommorrow I will do just a little bit better than today.

And I did.

In the moments when I was wrenched with tempation... I gave it to God.  I prayed and said this is stronger than me. I am weak... help me find stregnth. That's all I needed to do and I got a boost.

Now i recognize that these are not new ideas. All religions all the way to the 12 step program have this concept. But I am challenging you by asking: Do you ever DO IT.... and not just THINK about it?

Then I was down to eating almonds and turkey and fruit all day. Now, I have only had liquids for a week.

Now may I say I DO eat when I really want to. But I limit myself to a taste... I do it in honor of all that supplied it to me. The God, the Earth, the Farmer, the Worker Bee, the Chef, my Husband for working hard, everyone... and I enjoy every sensation of that small bite.

I take my vitamins and I drink plenty of water. And to all you health nuts out there who say "oh that is so bad for your body." Let me ask you this: What do you really know about health?

I was carrying about 50 extra pounds of weight on my body... and I felt every bit of it... physically and emotionally.

That is not healthy.

That extra fifty pounds of "stored energy" is enought to sustain me through this fasting experience.

So now I am here to tell you what I have learned:

Everytime you win a battle over your addiction it gets easier and easier.

It makes you more aware of your body and its biology.

It makes you realize just how little it takes for you to survive and how much exess you truly have.

It makes you realize that you get nourishment from another source.

It teaches you self control and self discipline.

Makes you recognize bad habits and the source of the connecting thought forms.

It lets you see the meaning of self-sacrifice.

This situation with my car as I discussed in my previous post, was a perfect time to understand the connection for myself. I can thrive on very little and that small amount will always be supplied to me.

I cut ties to my bad habits that drove a wedge between me and myself.

The self destructive patterns were interrupted long enough to see them in the light.

I have dropped a lot of weight. How much, I couldnt tell you. I have dropped inside and outside. My body is returning to is pre-child shape and I am feeling more alive and nourished than I EVER did overeating.

I encourage anyone to explore fasting.  If you need a support buddy to walk you through it, I am happy to supply my services and experience to you. : )