Money Money Money

I am just so sick of it. Money, however, is relentless. That is one big Demon if you ask me. Our world puts so much energy into Money.

Sadly, more negative energy is put towards it than positive energy. On a global and individual level.

I am relentless at removing my negative thoughts and feelings about money and putting more positive.

All our payments on things we owe everywhere are looming their ugly heads at me and my family. My husband has to work his butt off for half of what we deserve. Today, I had to buy groceries to last us until we get paid next friday. I took a stand about money in one of my last posts.... since then, Money has decided it will not go away that easily.  It has too much power over me... my fear of it sustains it's life.

One thing after another after another. I opened up my medical bills from having my last baby. A big hit.  The fear swelled within me. I started getting nervous and scared. My longing and perseverance had seemed fruitless.

Had I given into it, all my work up to that point would have been done in vain. 

I drew a spread:

Present: The Moon

All those dark, scary things that go bump in the night. The unconscious, unlimited space where anything goes. In the back of our mind, in our imaginations we will conjure up anything and everything. Wondrous things and frightening things.

It is the darkness in which things come from. Subconsciously, there it sits lurking in the dark.

Problem: Ten of Swords

Pinned by my despair. Tortured to death by by my thoughts to the point of exhaustion.  Rock Bottom.

Above: Five of Pentacles

Helplessness. Poverty. Begging. This card says it all. Crippled and in pain I desperately seek safety and security.

Below: King of Wands (Reversed)

The king is all of the energy of the suit of wands, focused outward. I am not filled with Spirit. I am not thinking lightly and creatively. I am not projecting into my world inspiration, life, love, boldness, Fire, daring. charisma and light.

Definition of Charisma

Past: Two of Wands

I held the world in my hands.... I started to become original. Having my personnal power, I could be bold and take risks.

Future: Ace of Swords (Reversed)

I have haulted my new way of thinking about Money. The demons that lurked in my subconscious has gotten to the better of me. My rush I felt when I denounced Money has been weakened.

Affecting Me: Ten of Cups (Reversed)

This is all I want. A happy grateful family. To be full of Grace. To look in awe at my accomplishments with Joy and Gratitude.

External Influences: Ace of Pentacles

A new way of living is around me. A new reality trying to get in.

Hopes and Fears: The Fool (Reversed)

I want a change, I want a new reality, but I am afraid to take that leap of Faith.

Final Outcome: Nine of Swords (Reversed)

I am allowing this to win... Despair. Anguish. What keeps us up at night. Worry.

See what I have done to myself? I allowed Money to go Boo again.

Amazing how much it shows its ugliness in our lives the minute we start to feel good about Money.

Thank you Tarot for always being so honest with me and in turn, allowing me to be honest with myself.

Nice try Money, but I put no more Fear to you. You tried and failed, NOW LEAVE.

I gave my neighbor some of the juice boxes on sale today from the store. My daughter is always over there and she is always given her some kind of goodies. I decided this because everytime I do what is right, I laugh in the face of Money. To be down to my last hundred dollars and then give some away. This proves that Money isnt the boss of me. Money will NEVER get my light again.... no matter how scary it makes its presence in my life.

Nice try... you almost got me.

Now I want to do another spread:

Present: Nine of Cups

Aww. Look at him how he sits there so smug. He is just sooo proud of himself.

That's how I feel. Accomplished... I overcame.

Problem: Page of Pentacles

A seed has been planted. This reality much be nurtured in order for it to take root in my life.

Above: Knight of Wands (Reversed)

I have commenced taking action. I have used my will to go our and reap my success.

Below: Queen of Wands

I am using the feminine aspect of the suit of wands with an inward focus. I am giving my seed that I planted Spirit to grow within me.

She is self-assured, cheerful, energetic and attractive... she has appeal. She is vibrant and glowing. 

Past: Three of Wands (Reversed)

I have sent out my energy and now waiting for it to return to me.

Future: King of Swords

The masculine energy of the suit of swords focused outward.

I am the master of reason and logic.

Affecting Me: The Moon (Reversed)

Screw you all those imaginary boogy men in my subconscious. You cant scare me.

External Influences: Two of Wands

I am the master of my own world. The world bends to my free will.

Hopes and Fears: Page of Wands

Although little, the seed has been planted and must be nurtured by my Spirit to let it grow.

This Page wields his idea... fascinated... thinking of how to use it.

I will use my imagination for the good things I want... not just feed my fears of what I dont want.

Final Outcome: Judgement

WAKE UP CALL... wake up to a higher level of thinking. I will use my keen Judgement on what I will believe and what I will give my power to. 

I am grateful for the Money we had to buy groceries. I am grateful that despite the Fear, we are able to pay our bills when it is time to do so.

I am grateful for the Money boogey men that have crawled from the darkness of my mind to scare me. It was a great challenge to overcome. I never thought how strong I could be.