My Mother, My Mirror

I have been struggling lately with my oldest child, as you know from my other post. My first daught was a product of a very abusive relationship.

I worry about her a lot. I'm not sure why I do. I did a reading for someone yesterday that was a God send.

She described her relationship with her mother. Not a very good one and identical to my own.

I referred her to read a book I read, "My mother, My mirror."  It is a brilliant book. It is a book to discover the unconscious habit patterns we pick up from our mothers.  This enables them to be brought to light and changed.

The book describes several bad habit patterns from mother to daughter:

From a Review: http://www.mymothermymirror.com/overview_book_my_mother_my_mirror_fuerstein.php

Examples include such famous mother/daughter pairs as:

• Little Girl Mother and Mini Momma Daughter (Judy Garland)
• Jealous Queen Mother and Snow White Daughter (Jacqueline Onassis)
• Stage Mother and Show Girl Daughter (Natalie Wood)
• Out-at-Sea Mother and Adrift Daughter (Princess Diana)
• Spirit-Dampening Mother and Spirit-Dampened Daughter (Eleanor Roosevelt)

These carnival mirror images often lead to eating disorders, body image and sexual problems, parenting and relationship issues.
The five thought links help readers move past unhealthy inherited self-perceptions.

1. Separating mother and daughter self-images.
2. Uncovering hidden anger at the childhood mother, often based on viewing her inaccurately.
3. Uncovering hidden love for the childhood mother that might be unexpressed due to fear of disappointment.
4. Uncovering hidden sadness related to the childhood mother from either physical or emotional absence.
5. Blending the earlier thought links to create a truer self-image

My mother was a combination of Jealous Queen Mother and Spirit-Dampening Mother.  This, of course is something I had no awareness of. 

One day later in my 20's, someone referred to me in high school as "pretty."

This dumbfounded me. I had no clue. I had it my head I was ugly, fat, and annoying.

After uncovering all this stuff, I began to see myself as I really am. Beautiful. Smart.

It wasnt until I began to feel this way that my perceptions began to correct themselves...

Once my perceptions changed... my physical appearance then changed. I like to think of it as a combination of physics and biology.

A little bit of a reality shift as well as a change in physical habits.

As for my daughter, I am starting to see the pattern. I am catching myself treating her like a liar and I treat her like she is trying to fool me.

Her father did that to me. That was a hard connection to make. I am looking towards her and expecting him to come out of her. And through my expectations, I am creating it.  Well not REALLY creating it in reality, just in my perceptions.

I project onto her what I fear in her. She is just such an angel. She is beautiful and smart, just like I was.

I pray that my perceptions be healed and that I can allow my daughter to grow into who she is meant to be in your eyes.

Heal me so I can love her more the way you do.

I want to try a new spread today... I looked online for a parenting spread. But then decided to make up my own.

Her Now: The Devil (Reversed)

There is nothing in her that is bad.

Me Now: Eight of Rods (Reversed)

I lack self confidence. I am not recognizing my power. I doubt myself.

Problem: Three of Cups

Three of cups is a very happy card that speaks of friendship and community bursting with energy and joy.  Harmonious relationships. Love, support, companionship. Sensitivity and sympathy.

What I can do to change me: Death

Change. I have to change. I have to allow the reaper to come into my life and take away these perceptions.

What are my responsibilities to her: Four of swords

I usually interpret this card as rest. I think it is also saying, to sit and contemplate it. Let is rest. Step back and let Death do its work.

If I follow through with these instructions then:

Her: Three of Swords (Reversed)

I will save her from being heartbroken.

Me: Eight of Swords (Reveresed)

I will allow myself to be released from this mental bondage.

Thank you Tarot. Thank you life. Always showing me what it is I need to see regardless of how much it hurts.

Please forgive me for this ill thinking. Please heal any damage that I have inflicted on my daughter unconsciously. Please help me right where I have been wrong.

Allow us to grow closer... allow for me to love her and her to feel loved.

I ask for this miracle.

Thank you for all that you do for me.