My Favorite Sun Card

Divine Legacy

Justice

Until you make the unconscious conscious... it will direct your life and you will call it fate - Carl Jung - The Justice Card

 

 

Intellectual Pussies

"We realize what we've said so far may not be sufficient to satisfy the paranoid cynics, who include among their number of many well-respected thinkers. Unless we demonstrate that we have some mastery of their ideology, they'll dismiss us as intellectual pussies. They will need proof we are familiar with the data they favor..."

Helping People

"The level of one's spiritual wisdom, I believe, is more accurately measured by helping people in need rather than meditation skills, shamanic shapeshifting, supernatural powers, or esoteric knowledge"

The Labyrinth of the Unconscious

"The whole unconscious opens up and swallows the sufferer, who must then learn to swim, often with the aid of a competent 'lifesaver' who's been there (i.e. explored and survived the hazardous labyrinths of the unconscious) and so knows the road."

I CAN

My Favorite Ace of Wands

My Favorite Hanged Man Card

Prayer For A Friend

Consciousness is the experience. Looking back now, I can see my levels of consciousness as I grew. It's an interesting discovery to see that the realms of the heavens and the depths of hell are all right here... living together side by side. Interacting with one another.

The demons of the lower levels and the angels of the higher realms. As I raise my consciousness I grow closer and more aware of those heavenly pockets of the universe. The sociopath next door. The red dots of child molesters on the map... they are all right here... on earth.

I am becoming an Earth Angel.

The macrocosm of the God in heaven and the Microcosm of the Devil within the Earth. The primal urges of our childish tendencies within our lower genitals and the celestial kingdom between our temples.

As beings of vibration, like always attracts like. When I was younger on a lower vibration, I attracted all sorts of things that were not me. Pushed and pulled by the lower levels of my soul. As I grew older and gained consciousness, my vibration raised. I now understand why that cruel monster of a man who lives on my street can never touch me.

I am now part of that kingdom. I have worked hard for it.

It isnt easy having such knowledge. Such understanding. Seeing others suffer effects people everywhere. How do you tell a fifteen year old boy that he is standing at the cusp of his life's beginning? How do you explain to his level of consciousness that he is about to take a step off that ledge and begin to create his world by his choices and his beliefs on how the world works?

He is about to create his own universe.

This isn't some aboriginal culture that has their boys leave the village to "climb the mountain". All he has seen is pain and suffering. His mind is already polluted with thoughts and ideas of hurt.

Hurt creates hurt. This boy is in danger.

He is a danger to himself and possibly a danger to others down the road.

So what do I do?

I'll pray for him. To whatever is out there this boy is in pain and has never had a chance. I wish that you send him helpers like myself to his side to help walk him down this path that he is beginning.

Send love to him in all forms. Teach him lessons gently and I hope he is willing to open to your love despite how much he suffers.

The North wind and the Sun were having a battle... who was stronger who was smarter they bet who could make a boy take of his jacket. The wind blew and blew and he clung harder. Then the sun came out and the boy took off his jacket.

We are meant to protect our kids with love and allow them to grow in a safe environment until their level of consciousness is at a stage where they can create a beautiful landscape of their lives. To gaze at the stars and dream up beautiful symphonies for the music of their life to vibrate up into the heavens.

Not this. This is not how any person should start their life. Be gentle with him. Please. It is not his fault. He knows not what he does.

If I had a magic wand I would fix this for you. If it was socially acceptable I would wrap my arms around you and pierce you with my heart. But I have to play this game.

I am an angel but I cant help him unless he is willing to let me. How many of us walk around in despair with thousands of angels ready at hand to divinely intervene?

So they think they are alone.

Growing up is hard to do. At any age.

I trust that the plan for him is great. That the light I see in him will one day be used for your purpose in the most amazing ways. May he have the support he needs as you build his character.

Let him harm none in the process.

This is part of the game that is the hardest. Knowing when you want us to help and when he is in your hands. You shape us like clay. May he one day become your beautiful pot.

I pray that through this he will always make choices of love. As to avoid that pesky karma that is about to unfold before him.

Lift him up. Let his consciousness grow towards the light like a flower raising from the dirt.

Thank you for your never ending love for us. Im Sorry, Please Forgive Me, I Love You, Thank You.

It Doesnt Work To Fix Your Reflection

‎"Alternatively, do you try to reach into the mirror to fix your reflection? Of course not. Why would you try to reach into your reflection to change yourself? No one who understands what a mirror is would even think of trying to reach into the reflection. They would understand immediately that to fix the reflected image, they need to tend to themselves."

Its more than just setting boundaries of what is you and what is not you.

There is magic in it. Magic that has not been discovered by science. Not yet anyways.

Honey Baby Blues



God Help The Outcasts

Objectivity

I need to vent.

That being said, please dont be offended by anything that is said here.

Opinions are like assholes... everyone has them and they all stink.

Since I made the decision to go public with my Tarot readings I have started networking with other readers. This has been so amazing. I have gotton to know other people with my similar interests in the field.

As you may know if you have been following me is that I like to use the Tarot as a tool for counseling. Not really a fortune telling gimmick. This is my personnal preference.

The reason I like the Tarot and Psychology is because it is all objective. Or subjective.

Difference Between Objective and Subjective

The Tarot, to me is like a rorschach test. You see what you need to see. There is no right or wrong... it just "is".

Since I have started networking I have joined groups with people who have made a successful career out of reading the Tarot. I looked up to them. I found it amazing that not only were they able to make money doing it, but where successful in it. That is where I wanted to be.

I love Tarot/Psychology because there are no limits. There is so much freedom in it to develop your own personnal style. There are no rules and all that matters is the connections.  But I find myself becoming frustrated with some of these people.

One person said that an idea was "naiive" another simply said, "I disagree with your interpretation".

I was put off by this. I wanted to network with people so I could bring my ideas to the table and discuss them with others that have put forth their time and energy into Tarot. I wanted to grow from others and hope they walked away feeling the same.

To say such bold statements only create seperation. They close the door on expansion and growth. And to be honest, it pisses people off.  The purpose is to find our unity amongst our individuality.

I still dont understand how someone could be in this field and believe there is a right or wrong way of doing things. No way is better. Whether you are psychiatrist, psychologist, Tarot reader, or any other field of healing you should not draw such limitations in the sand.

When I worked as a floral designer I had the best boss in the world. She said we were "mini psychologists". Think about it... flowers = feelings. Birthdays, love, death, I'm sorry... etc. They are the physical manifestations of our internal expression of feelings.

The one thing that I feel is universal with healing is the willingness to be healed. That's it... love does the rest. Sure I may be a vessel to which that love works through but it is not because of my knowledge or will. It is my willingness to allow love to do the work through me.

When someone has the willingness to be healed you dont need a certificate, education, or occult knowledge to do so... all you need is a willing heart.

I know nothing. That is my mantra. I know nothing and I know no one. I am no expert at anything.  I am a student of life with every breathe I take.

Sure I like to learn. I read books. I collect ideas. I share my thoughts and feelings with others. I honor other people's processes. I am a thinker and I like the feeling of my mind being blown. I often keep myself in a state of utter confusion. But at the end of the day, I surrender all that I think I know and give thanks for another day of trying to figure it all out.

I have not been given the answer to the question that always burns in my heart, "Where do I belong?"

I know I am still "a work in progress". I am starting to just enjoy the journey and not worry so much about the destination.

I have gotten to the point when I listen to people debate and express their opinions and I tend to want to just get up and walk away... because I dont even care anymore. Dont get me wrong I love exchanging stories. But thats all they are... stories.

I'll listen to your stories... but I refuse to listen to your opinions. You want to debate... then you are right and I am wrong.

I could look at those 78 cards over and over a million times and see something new each and every time.

Thats what I love about them. You can explain to me ten different ways the universe works and I will smile and agree. But I no longer care "how" it works... I am just happy I am here. To enjoy the relationships that I make. To laugh, to love.... to eat ice cream and fart. To make love and have sex... to double bounce on a trampoline and to take long hot showers.

My Favorite High Priestess Card

Parenting

South Park

The link above is for the episode where the dog whisperer trains Cartman. I think every parent should watch this show.

Here are some quotes:

"So the child needs to learn he's not the most important person in the house... Im not looking at the child, Im not acknowledging the child, Im just letting the child know Im not interested in him... see the child thinks your world revolves around him becuase it does..."

"Dont reason with it, dont argue with it... just dominate!"

‎"When you correct the behavior... eventually there will be a change in the personality"

Even if you aren't a huge fan of South Park, this one is worth watching... give it a chance and watch the whole thing.

The message is for all the parents who allow the children to rule their lives. In the end, they raise selfish narcissistic children that are let into the world.

You are not their friend, you are their parent.

Individuality

KNOW THYSELF

This is what the Tarot is all about. Getting to know yourself on the deepest level. To dig out all those false beliefs that stand in your way. To retrain your brain. To obtain understanding and trust in a world that is sometimes scary and overwhelming.

Our greatest mission on earth is to figure out just who we are. What is us and what is not us. The more we fine tune ourselves the more we can love the individuality that each person possesses. Although we are all cut from the same clothe we each are special on our own way.

Stand By Me

The Fool

"In this age, everyone is teaching how to let go, trust God, Be in the "now", be free. The fool lacks Judgement. The fool lacks the ability to use reason. Is the fool a joke? Or is the Fool the key? The fool is Zero... nothing. Yet everything."

 ‎"The fool provides entertainment. But if we look a little deeper it is often more than entertainment. The fool gets to tell the truth, the hard truths that might cause trouble if anyone else tells them."

‎"He speaks in jest and we laugh. He speaks in parables and we struggle to understand."

"The fool plays and everybody knows that play is not serious so he can accomplish the difficult, controversial issues in play."

"The fool that would bring out those aspects of ourselves that society doesn't approve of and which it sees as "subversive" or "undesirable" is the one who challenges conformity and spurs us to question and maybe to change."

And I'm Still Standing Three of Wands

The Three Of Wands

I always had a hard time talking with this card. It always just looked like waiting to me. I drew it often and always thought... yeah I am still waiting for my ship to come in.

I felt the guy was standing there waiting to be rescued from something. Which is how I felt whenever I pulled this card.

Today I see something different. The man is alone on this island (Or so I imagine). He is looking out at the boats which holds people. Its like what he wants is over "there" and he is over "here".

The man has obviously been productive and has survived despite his isolation.

I have battled loneliness my entire life. I lacked foundation in my family life and I created this "bubble" so to speak to protect myself and survive. A very dissociative way of living in the world. Now I am older and have popped my bubble yet I still battle the feelings of me being here and the rest of the world being over there.

I do always feel like I am waiting for someone to come. Like I am standing on the cliff desperately wanting to be seen and rescued. In my deck the ships look like they are sailing away as if they dont even see me.

I always think of Tom Hanks in Castaway... he gets so lonely he talks to a volleyball. Neurosis sets in and all he has left to comfort him is the human will to survive.

Like the movie The Blue Lagoon I feel like I am in this jungle of a world and I am left to fend for myself.

This, of course, is part of my conditioning as a child and my beliefs that no one is here to support me. Something I battle with every day of my life.

I suppose this is a sad interpretation of this card... but it is one none the less... this is what I see today... it is what I see to help me work through my psychological issues.

Today I see a card of feeling abandoned and forgotten yet not in a five of pentacles type of way... I and surviving and self reliant yet I observe humanity from a distance. I can see it in my view but it is out of my reach.

As I stand on firm hard land, I look out to the emotional waters of what my heart wants yet is not in my physical reality. The shoreline draws a distinct line from the land to the water. It serves as a boundary I have drawn for myself... representing the bubble in a way. My island.

 



Trusting the Tarot

When I made the decisions to start putting myself out there with my Tarot I was afraid. Having studied for years I always felt that I never wanted to influence anyone's life with incorrect messages.

Since doing readings for people, I have learned to trust the Tarot more and more. To just know that I will see what needs to be worked on.

One reading came up with the Devil card. It turned out my client was cheating on her husband. Another reading came up with the Death card. It turned out a month prior to the reading the client almost died of an overdose.

However, I was unable to pick up on these things. I always want to find the light puffy meaning of enlightenment and uplift my clients. I need to come to the realization that the Tarot is not judgemental or bias and will give me the gruesome details to which I might not want to be aware of.

Stronger than an Oak

Moving from Illinois to Wyoming has been quite a shock.

They call is culture shock.

I am in the adjustment phase in the four stages of culture shock.

"Adjustment phase:
Again, after some time (usually 6 to 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal". One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture, and begins to accept the culture ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

One thing I desperately missed was Oak trees. My person favorite. It resonates with my soul. Tall, strong, wise, and mystical. I felt I had many rings to my core as well.

Northern Illinois is green and prosperous. It was lush and had a green decadence. The falls were something to behold. Sixty feet of glowing magnificence. The winters showed the gnarly bare branches hibernating their power waiting for the release of the spring.

Winter is the time to draw inward and cultivate our power so that it can be released into the spring to create an abundant world.

Here in Wyoming. There are no trees. Well so I saw. To me, they were sickly and weak. They are thin and straggly.

I sometimes sit and look at the tree in my backyard. It is ten feet and half the branches on it are dead. The branches look frail and starved.

Today I was looking at it and saw something else. I saw how strong that tree actually is. How much more it had to fight for its existance. The very tree I looked at as weak became stronger than an oak.

An oak branches become hardened. With no flexibility no change can take place. As a result it becomes too heavy and falls.

A tree out here is a survivor. With its harsh winters and desert like environment it still grows.

Oak Trees: In Celtic mythology, it is the tree of doors, believed to be a gateway between worlds, or a place where portals could be erected

In Norse mythology, the oak was sacred to the thunder god, Thor. Some scholars speculate^{[weasel words]} that the reason for this is that the oak – the largest tree in northern Europe – was the one most often struck by lightning. Thor's Oak was a sacred tree of the Germanic Chatti tribe. According to legend, the Christianisation of the heathen tribes by Saint Boniface was marked by the oak's being replaced by the fir (whose triangular shape symbolizes the Trinity) as a "sacred" tree.^[29]

Willow Trees: Willow is grown for biomass or biofuel, in energy forestry systems, as a consequence of its high energy in-energy out ratio, large carbon mitigation potential and fast growth.

Quaking Aspen: Here in Wyoming...



It propagates itself primarily through root sprouts, and extensive clonal colonies are common.

So if I had to learn about myself through these trees is that everything is beautiful Everything is God. I am a part of that everything and encompass everything.

In Illinois I was rigid. I was hard. Out here in Wyoming, I am starving myself of all luxury and convenience to find something stronger in myself. To find something deeper.

There is no such thing as a smart teacher... only smart students. I am a student of life and my greatest teacher is God.

Update on Finances

To anyone who was with me during my process of conquering my fear of my financial situation I felt you deserved an update.

So today, our finances are no different than when I did my heavy work on my beliefs, thought patterns, and behavior patterns that reinforced the reality I was experiencing.

But I am different. I sit longer with my kids. I gaze more deeply into their eyes. I am not so pre-occupied with my worry.

Life is better. Smoother. More joyful. Work well done.

Since then, however, I have signed up to be a psychic advisor on a new psychic network. It is just beginning and I enjoy the website designer. He is very gifted and has a powerful future. I am honored to be a part of it.

As it will serve as another potential income I find myself afraid and insecure.

I had a dream last night that I was being chased. In researching psychological correspondences for dream I found that it often represents insecurity.

I also, had a disscussion with my sister regarding her insecurity and how it is sabotages her relationships yesterday.

The synchronicities are all there. This is a wound. A belief that does not serve me. My insecurities are truly the only thing holding me back.

I have earned the knowledge and understanding. I have the heart and the intention. All I lack is the confidence. That, I need to gain. Experience is the only thing that will help me overcome this. A sort of stage fright I need to make peace with.

So in all, the work I did before my leave of rest is paying off. I am no longer a slave to money. I have conquered my fear and now I am in a place to see clear enough my opportunities.

And with that, I draw another spread:

Myself: Six of Cups

I am able to go back and see my past patterns in order to change.

Release: Six of Pentacles

I am learning that money flows. There is a natural balance when at ease. Constrictions of our beliefs about money truly results in a physical restriction in our lives.

Is is this way because our patterns contribute to all our processes.

Above: Queen of Pentacles

Inner stability

Below: Knight of Pentacles (reversed)

A new opportunity is here. The new network I joined. It represents my block towards allowing it to come into my life.

Past: Five of Pentacles (reversed)

I chose to not feel rejected by my source.

Future: Page of Pentacles

I am now seeing clearly my new opportunity for prosperity.

Affecting Me: Tower

Truth that has allowed old beliefs to drop away.

External Influences: King of Pentacles

Outward focus of earth energy. Building... prosperity... achieving... obtaining.

Hopes and Fears: Queen of Wands

Inner spirit. Fire energy within. Feminine aspect of power directed inward.

I fear to release this power... but it is what I desire.

Final Outcome: Emperor (Reversed)
I am finally goint to overcome my limitations.

Thirsty?

My landlord came over yesterday. This area, being predominantly Mormon, in Wyoming is called "God's Country."

He gave me yet another version of the Bible. I received one from a Mormon missionary when I moved into town.

I also am visited frequently by Jehovah Witnesses. My mother became a born again Christian when I was in 8th grade.

I had a Russian Energy healer for a friend, a Muslim Persian for a boss, a Jewish girl from Isreal for a co-worker, a Spanish Catholic for a mentor, and a witch for a mother in law.

I admit, I struggled with Jesus, as we all do.

Through learning and exploring myself and the world I perceived I found self-actualization.

Finding out who I am and doing what it is I desire to truly find a deep sense of bliss is a result of hard internal focus and a trust in being able to express it in the world.

One thing I notice about talking to Jesus lovers is that they learn how to use their human mechanism and their energetic bodies to drink the waters of life.

Many Christians tell me that you "thirst" for Jesus. That they get to a point that all they want is more Jesus.

I find a lot of people addicted to Jesus. Addicted to the energy current that sustains their life.

I often hear people say, "who are you in Jesus?"

Some people call us the flesh coats... the puppet of God.

Most new age books talk about eliminating our "self". To destroy our ego and live an enlightened life.

People say we co-create with God. The co-creation part is simply being yourself. God created you special and knows every desire... passion.... thrill... disappointment.... naughty thought... gruesome deed.

Yet we still feel shame.

Why?

The story of Adam and Eve talked about how they realized they were naked and were ashamed and hid from God.

When we are ashamed to be who we are it is an insult to our creator.

We dont need to be religious goody goodies. Jesus freaks. All we need to do is accept and loves ourselves... stand naked before God.

If you are addicted to Jesus like you are addicted to anything else, you are not loving yourself.

Gifted.... or crazy

This is something I have struggled with my entire life.

I have been diagnosed with epilepsy and adhd.

As a child, I didnt pay attention.

said my teacher.

I was busy looking at everything else.

I may have these things they say I have... but I have so much because of it. Call me an "Indigo child"... defiant, rebellious.... An Aquarius.

There is nothing wrong with me. I hust have different skills... talents.

This school system doesnt know how to handle someone like me. Someone who always seemed to outwit the system.

That's the way it was... after I asked... But why?

No one could ever give me a sound answer to those types of questions. It usually led to a frustrated adult getting upset and just saying BECAUSE.

Here I am 27 years old mother of three and I am now trying to figure out how to navigate them through a world I never felt I belonged in. Tricky.

Doctors would say I have had a lifetime of trauma that led to a lot of dissociation... and I would agree.

Mr. Toad's wild ride my life has been.

But I was always smart... despite what anyone said. This I believed.

Edgar Cayce said that one trait of a psychic is having a condition that one tries to remedy themselves.

This type of introspection leads down gates of healing.  Self-actualization.

My road to my self-healing taught me a lot of great knowledge and self-knowledge... try not to confuse the two.

I am smart, Adhd, psychic, crazy? Epilepsy? To which I reply... yes... with a smirk curled on my lips.

I may be all these things, and I am still smiling. Beat that.

My trials of course were not in vain... I now have learned to use Tarot cards to help people through difficult times in their lives. A skill that wells in my heart.

Tarot, of course, was a way to understand myself. Once I understood myself everything else was easy. Being human, I could relate to anyone. The Tarot maps out the human condition and psychological pathways to self-actualization.

But dont put these before God. They are just cards.... and ink.

This is not my power, but a power gifted to me... arranged by the all knowing universe... before I was born.

We often fight our destinies... our destiny requires us to be all that makes us an individual.... and lets face it... indivduality is scary.

It takes guts to be that much yourself.

I let raw my heart and soul for you all... this is who I was meant to be... I am perfect in the divine's eye.

A perfect individual... with all that it took took to make me this way. All the experiences and the human condition.

I wouldnt have agreed to all this pain and suffering unless I felt the prize was worth it.

With all the suffering I know that the reward will be worth every single second of it. Bring it on.

I always knew this... I just got confused along the way... says Alice to the Rabbit.

I won.

Within all of us is a innate desire to not give up. To persevere.

In my eyes persistance is the most important thing you can possess... over everything else. If you are persistant... you will always be trying.

Some people say insanity is repeating behaviors attempting to make a change. That is insane...

You have to change. The world is perfect. With all its grittiness. Its amazing what someone can live through.

Just sit in some AA meetings.

That is our job now... to help usher in anyone who is still learning. Help them to change. Whether you are energy worker, light worker, therapist, doctor, or a guy selling balloons on the side of the road... if you try to take care of others you are okay in my book.

We all find this place. Eventually.

The Magician

Lately, I have come to understand that I was born with Christ in my heart.

Years and years of confusion was put to rest this week.  I always struggled with Jesus. Who he was.  I still dont know all about his life and I especially dont want to have anything to do with his death.

I grew up around Christianity. I went to youth groups where my friends were telling me to just accept Jesus in my heart.

Even then, at my young age, I looked at them like programmed robots.

I had a soul, a voice, and a relationship with my inner sun. I had the vibration of my true self and had the energy of "Jesus" in my heart.

I did, however, have a lot of Christians that were told the stories their entire life and based the construct of their belief system to navigate their way through life on them.

Some went to Christianity out of guilt and fear.

I on the other hand... being an Aquarius was rebellious and stubborn and had an innate knowledge that it couldnt be that simple to just say this little prayer. So I started studying everything and anything I could get my hands on. Tarot, of course, tickled everything I needed to understand and a little bit of everything.

Once you know a little bit about everything you start making connections.

I pulled a spread this morning and the Magician taught me more deeply what it means to be responsible for your life.

- Our emotions that stem from the heart of how we really feel about something
- Our thoughts of how we create our perceptions of ourselves and others.
- Our focus and what we build and how we chose to participate in the world
- Our spirit... our imagination and inspirations.... what vibration we are adding to the world.

You learn to get your shit together to allow the flow of the universe to run through you.

To jump on the track that all of nature abides by.  We, as humans, are given consciousness of self. That is why they say we "turned from God."

We then in turn are given a choice to turn towards him again. To learn the laws of nature and plug ourselves back into it.

Using tools like our will, our strength, our focus, our thoughts, and our feelings to adjust ourselves to hear the beat of the music that everything is driven by... To gain its knowledge and respect the laws.

Whether it be the macro of the circling of the planets or the micro organism that aids digestion.

If you know one thing, you know it all.

Responsibilities

Tarot has been leading me to look at my responsibilites in my life. Towards my kids, my husband, my friends and family.

I have come to realize the responsibility I have to discipline my kids as I have talked about in my last post.

But now I think about the responsibility I have to my husband. He just called from being away on a job for three days.

I need to be more responsible for him.

I have a duty to myself to keep myself in check. To be responsible for my own happiness. How aweful it must be for some husbands to come home to an unhappy wife.

My poor husband has been dealing with an unhappy pregnant wife for the last two years.

No longer am I that wife. Now I will be the rock. The anchor that keeps our family together and happy.

I am now ready to be his support and my children's example to follow.

I am responsible for my life and for how I affect everyone in my life.

I will be happy for them as well as for myself.

Being happy isnt selfish. It is the best thing you can do for the world.

Ethics

A reading takes time. You have to allow it to marinate in the brain. The meaning has to seep down into you. You have to wait until you are conscious of what it is trying to tell you. Hindsight is always... 20/20.
My readings bloom. They plant a seed. My only hope is that i have the openess to plant the right seeds when it is needed the most. Whether for me or anyone else. Responsibility.
One must be responsible for their own development. To work for meaning in anything is all up to you... not delivered from anyone or anything.
The meaning comes from inside then is validated on the outside.
To be a Tarot reader one must abide by the same rules as of a judge, a cop, or a teacher. They all must work with inegrity and magnanimity.
It is just as important to find the right student as it is a teacher. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
How does one know when they are a Tarot reader? Do you get a badge or a certificate? No. You base your credentials on experience and experience only. Just as a doctor has their beginnings, so do Tarot readers have their learning curves.
Sometimes its dead on, others you are way out of the park. I used to take full responsibility and make the worst of it. But having the persisstance to continue the study despite the setbacks i drudged on.
Reading Tarot is a leap of faith. It is not me that makes the cards work. It is not even the cards that make them work.
I am not a fortune teller. I am a spiritual psychologist that assists you with your learning processes. I have to know the problem before i can help you.
Being a Tarot reader means having a bedside manner in which to allow a safe environment for people to feel safe enough to dig for the root of things.
Without trust, there is no love.

Happy Day Today

So I just did my first paid reading.

I have never been so happy. I have never felt so purposeful. Amazing what happens when you just do what you love. When you just follow your passions.

I wish I could shake every person's limitations from them and show them how wonderful it feels to just do what you want.

Excuses excuses I suppose.

"The idea of thinking that God would have to make this world in order to experience duality so He could appreciate and enjoy Himself, is the equivalent of the idea that in order to experience and enjoy sex you would have to also experience getting shot in the gut. No. Pain is the result of the guilt that came from thinking you separated yourself from God, and you don't have to experience pain in order to experience the pleasure of reality. But you do have to forgive pain and suffering and give it up in order to return to reality. J couldn’t be any more clear about that in his Course, and he is the one you should listen to. ~ Your Immortal Reality, Gary Renard "

Read this today.

Beautiful isnt it?

We are not meant to suffer. We are not made to have hardships. We are made to be great. Each and everyone of us.

I have had my fair share of sin, guilt, pain, and suffering.

Good thing too... otherwise I wouldnt have had the compassion to do what it is I do.

My pain was a sacrifice of a lamb. A lamb of God.

"Forgive them, for they not know what they do."

We are already forgiven... because it is our destiny to remember.

Where then is the fault? Your pain along with some work will be exalted and used in ways you cant even imagine... and you'd never be happier.

Perfection.

Absolute perfection in the design. I am awestruck.

 You know you never understand your parents until you have kids. Things just start to make sense. Then you gain a sense of gratitude.

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

Pain is beauty. There is no duality... there is only God.

Such terrible things we as humans experience in order to bring qualities like patience, persistence, compassion, forgiveness, strength, and courage.

How else could we learn such lessons?  How can anyone advance without the pressure of danger, failure, defeat, rejection, and heartache?

Just as the Devil can be sweet indulgent decadence the trials we face teach us to be humble and respectful.

The human condition is such a powerful state.

People just dont understand how planned everything truly is. Right down to the smallest detail. We are guided. We have a choice to either walk our path or get dragged along it kicking and screaming.

Your choice.

You choice as well on whether or not you can make choices to enjoy your life.

Either way, its going to happen. The unfoldment of your life. Why waste it not being happy.

Excuses Excuses. You cannot bullshit a bullshitter. I am the grand master of bullshit. I have studied bullshit for years.

To succeed or to fail. The only failure is you not figuring out who you are and what you want.

Ive seen it all. Money, mortgage, work, money money money.

Blah blah blah... what about the stories of depressed millionares?

We all know deep down that money doesnt fill any void... no matter how much money you stuff in it.

Black holes are just for that....

I had a problem for a long time trying to figure out who I was. I know now.

Finally.

Never been happier.

September 14 Tarot Reading

My husband is gone for three days at work. Over the three years of us being together, we have only spent two weeks apart. That is when he was doing training for the new job.

I kinda dont know what to do with myself.

I want to consult the cards.

Present: Lovers (Reversed)

Tarot is amazing. Yes this is just how I feel. No explanation needed here.

Challenge: Six Of Rods

I guess this time will be all about me.

Above: The Fool

I am on my own starting something new.

Below: Five of Wands

My spirit is stirring.

Past: Two of Swords

In the past I was guarding my heart and was blind. I was stuck and afraid to move.

Future: Four of Cups

A time to sit and be with my emotions. To look at things of the heart with a new perspective.

Affecting Me: Four of Swords

Rest. This is a good time to get some much needed recuperation time.

External Influences: Two of Wands (Reversed)

Take some time out to really figure out what I want.

Hopes and Fears: King of Swords

I must become comfortable within the world of the mind.

Final Outcome: Ace of Pentacles

A time to get grounded.

My Mother, My Mirror

I have been struggling lately with my oldest child, as you know from my other post. My first daught was a product of a very abusive relationship.

I worry about her a lot. I'm not sure why I do. I did a reading for someone yesterday that was a God send.

She described her relationship with her mother. Not a very good one and identical to my own.

I referred her to read a book I read, "My mother, My mirror."  It is a brilliant book. It is a book to discover the unconscious habit patterns we pick up from our mothers.  This enables them to be brought to light and changed.

The book describes several bad habit patterns from mother to daughter:

From a Review: http://www.mymothermymirror.com/overview_book_my_mother_my_mirror_fuerstein.php

Examples include such famous mother/daughter pairs as:

• Little Girl Mother and Mini Momma Daughter (Judy Garland)
• Jealous Queen Mother and Snow White Daughter (Jacqueline Onassis)
• Stage Mother and Show Girl Daughter (Natalie Wood)
• Out-at-Sea Mother and Adrift Daughter (Princess Diana)
• Spirit-Dampening Mother and Spirit-Dampened Daughter (Eleanor Roosevelt)

These carnival mirror images often lead to eating disorders, body image and sexual problems, parenting and relationship issues.
The five thought links help readers move past unhealthy inherited self-perceptions.

1. Separating mother and daughter self-images.
2. Uncovering hidden anger at the childhood mother, often based on viewing her inaccurately.
3. Uncovering hidden love for the childhood mother that might be unexpressed due to fear of disappointment.
4. Uncovering hidden sadness related to the childhood mother from either physical or emotional absence.
5. Blending the earlier thought links to create a truer self-image

My mother was a combination of Jealous Queen Mother and Spirit-Dampening Mother.  This, of course is something I had no awareness of. 

One day later in my 20's, someone referred to me in high school as "pretty."

This dumbfounded me. I had no clue. I had it my head I was ugly, fat, and annoying.

After uncovering all this stuff, I began to see myself as I really am. Beautiful. Smart.

It wasnt until I began to feel this way that my perceptions began to correct themselves...

Once my perceptions changed... my physical appearance then changed. I like to think of it as a combination of physics and biology.

A little bit of a reality shift as well as a change in physical habits.

As for my daughter, I am starting to see the pattern. I am catching myself treating her like a liar and I treat her like she is trying to fool me.

Her father did that to me. That was a hard connection to make. I am looking towards her and expecting him to come out of her. And through my expectations, I am creating it.  Well not REALLY creating it in reality, just in my perceptions.

I project onto her what I fear in her. She is just such an angel. She is beautiful and smart, just like I was.

I pray that my perceptions be healed and that I can allow my daughter to grow into who she is meant to be in your eyes.

Heal me so I can love her more the way you do.

I want to try a new spread today... I looked online for a parenting spread. But then decided to make up my own.

Her Now: The Devil (Reversed)

There is nothing in her that is bad.

Me Now: Eight of Rods (Reversed)

I lack self confidence. I am not recognizing my power. I doubt myself.

Problem: Three of Cups

Three of cups is a very happy card that speaks of friendship and community bursting with energy and joy.  Harmonious relationships. Love, support, companionship. Sensitivity and sympathy.

What I can do to change me: Death

Change. I have to change. I have to allow the reaper to come into my life and take away these perceptions.

What are my responsibilities to her: Four of swords

I usually interpret this card as rest. I think it is also saying, to sit and contemplate it. Let is rest. Step back and let Death do its work.

If I follow through with these instructions then:

Her: Three of Swords (Reversed)

I will save her from being heartbroken.

Me: Eight of Swords (Reveresed)

I will allow myself to be released from this mental bondage.

Thank you Tarot. Thank you life. Always showing me what it is I need to see regardless of how much it hurts.

Please forgive me for this ill thinking. Please heal any damage that I have inflicted on my daughter unconsciously. Please help me right where I have been wrong.

Allow us to grow closer... allow for me to love her and her to feel loved.

I ask for this miracle.

Thank you for all that you do for me.

The Queens

I have been thinking lately about thinkers.

I am a thinker. I think all the time... and not the type of thinking that suck my soul into a black whole, the kind of thinking that stretches your mind.

My brain always hurts.  I am constantly pushing its edges. Good side is, I am very smart... bad side is I have had to deal with a lot of confusion.

It is safe to stay in the same mindset. To NOT change your beliefs and challenge your understanding.

Then you dont have to deal with the confusion. The confusion tests our strength and challenges every aspect of our being.

When we refuse to deal with confusion we stay the same... and we never change. Nothing ever is born and everything is kept from dying. 

It is during these times of confusion where people seek comfort, support, understanding... they feel disoriented and insecure.

They are very vulnerable.

If I dont do anything else than to help someone during these times then I will feel good. I have been through some long, crazy, rocky times. Thank God though because I have rooted myself deeply with one foot on Earth and one foot in the Heavens.

And I do you know, do it to make myself feel good. That's it. It's quite selfish actually. It is what feeds me. It is my passion. It is my purpose.

I am someone who understands. I am the Queen of Swords, I have gone through it all.

I am someone who cares. I am the Queen of Cups, I have felt it all.

I am someone who inspires. I am the Queen of Wands, I have done it all.

I am someone who nurtures. I am the Queen of Pentacles, I take care of all.

I am the lighthouse during the sea storm at night. I am a safehouse to turn to.

Psychic attack, whether it be from outer demons or your own, is dangerous.

And it is usually both. As above, so Below.

Whatever is affecting your psyche is affecting your whole world.

Add a little imagination and negtive thoughts strips and you've got yourself into a real pickle. You then become enslaved.

Then nothing happens. Other than you become tortured and imprisoned within yourself.

Impulses and false urges draw you to choices that are detrimental to you and therefore the entire planet.

These habits are tough to break. One needs a bolt from God himself to release such bondage.

The Tower, of course, is always there to deliver.

As a counselor, I can point you to the door, that's it. You have to battle out your own limitations.

I am the lamp post along the path.

I tend to work on things on an individual basis. That is my work in the world. Helping one person does, of course, help the universe.

I take no time to dwell and explore planetary chaos.  That is like a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but you dont go anywhere.

It is what I do in my own bubble that makes the difference. Well, everyone doing their part that is would lead to world peace wouldnt it.

I am here to help you do your part.

In a sense, then I am doing mine.

September 11 Tarot Reading

Present: Six of Rods

I feel so accomplished. Victory, success... hard work being recognized.

Problem: Ten of Swords

I keep drawing this damn card. I have been interpreting it as putting a belief to rest or mental burnout. Not really sure.. maybe both... lol

Above: Three of Pentacles

Work, work, work, that is all that is on my mind.

Below: The Magician (Reversed)

Slow down... let the energies move you. I tend to want to force things when I get excited.

Past: Seven of Cups

Fantasy. Dreaming... Reaching into the unkown... The point of conception of a dream on the higher planes.

Future: Two of Rods (Reveresed)

Patience. I lack patience. Dont spoil things by being over anxious.

Affecting Me: Five of Pentacles (Reversed)

For everything this card means upright it is its opposite. Poverty, illness, burden, hard-ships upright, reversed then tells me I can feel safer now.

Hard times are passing.

External Influences: The World

How wonderful... Completion. 

Hopes and Fears: King of Pentacles

Success. Creating my empire. Building something.

Final Outcome: The Empress (Reversed)

Interesting. Stumping actually. Not sure how this fits in right now. So what I do is look up the interpretation online and pick one...

and this one if saw:

"
Work: When this card comes up in reverse in relation to a work question, it says that your work is well appreciated and well-received, but that you may not be aware of this. Realize that others in your work environment trust you and trust your work. Return the favor where it is warranted."

http://www.psychic-revelation.com/reference/q_t/tarot/tarot_cards/empress_reversed.html

Message received.

The Tower, Strength, and Judgement

I drew these cards yesterday night in a spread.

Such powerful cards. Powerful energies.

The Tower always frightens me. It is a shock to the system. Your spiritual lungs are not breathing and the bolt it to keep you alive or to improve you.

Either way, it is truly a win win situation.

Despite this, it still scares the crap out of me. Scares me... that's all. That's not too bad.

I can handle scare. Scare wont "Kill" me.

But we avoid it none the less.  We will try anything to keep from feeling this kind of lightening bolt.

It takes someone of great strength to embrace the Tower.

The inner strength we have that clenches for the hit.  Someone who does not run away and deny.

Strength is endurance, fortitude, persistence, relentlessness...

Not strength by physical, outer force. We do not apply our physical bodies to anything... instead we toughen up spiritually.

Our higher selves take control of our primal, animal-like natures through cooperation....

The beast bows to the woman. The masculine submits to the feminine.

Our focus goes from outer... to innner to fight.

Yesterday I had to go inside myself... in a sense, i was the beast coming inward into myself.

I had a wake up call yesterday that was hard to swollow.

Judgement told me that it was a challenge to wake up and see some kind of habit of behavior or mental habit that needed to acknowledged.

 I worry about my oldest daughter a lot. I worry more about her than I do my other children. Because of this, I dont discipline her.  I dont spank her, ground her, I barely yell at her.

In return, her behavior was very out of sort. I, however, chose not to see it.

Yesterday, the neighbor brought her home because she told her daughter to "just ignore your mom."

Something was wrong.

I tried to talk-yell like I do to her and she laughed at me the whole time.

I didnt know what to do. I was so confused.

Angry and defeated I ran to my husband. He mentioned that he tries to discipline her and I dont let him.

Judgement time.

Was I to wake up to the reality of the situation or not?

It took every ounce of my inner strength to deal with this one.

I told him she was laughing at me when I tried to yell at her.

And I said it... Go spank her.

And he did.

He came back and I just stood there sizzling from my Tower experience.

Then he said, "you dont like doing that do you."

"NO!" I said.

"why?" he asks.

Because I love her and I am afraid of losing her.

Ouch. What a pull.

I drew another spread.

The what's "affecting me" position had the wheel of fortune (reversed)

I found a lovely exerpt from a website I like: http://www.crystal-reflections.com/tarot2/rider/wheel_r.htm

"If you are a person who always reacts "passively" to whatever life does to you - then this signifies a more important change than just simply a new set of circumstances - it will open the door to a new awareness of the responsibility you have for your own life."

Yup. That's it.

The fact of the matter is, when my 5 four old smart ass daughter laughs in my face when I try to yell at her she needs a whoopin.

I know a lot of you may think wrong of me for my mind set towards my daughter, but I just love her so much. And I worry about her a lot.

Painful words to say.

Painful realization.

Full of love and full of deep responsibility.

Those were some POWERFUL energies at work in my life to make me better. Stronger.

Strength... endurance, persistance, relentlessness. Fortitude.

Was I learning a lesson in life? Or a lesson in Tarot?

Think about it.

How wonderous it all is.

Magic

I come to realize that people just really dont know. They dont see how much they really arent in control of their lives.

They dont know to what degree everything is fated and planned. This I have learned studying the Tarot. The more I read for myself and others the more I came to understand that everything is part of the divine plan... even down to which cards are drawn.

If that is the case with the Tarot, imagine how much other stuff in your life is already set...

It feels good to let go, to trust. To know that you are safe in the hands of our creator.

The Bible says, dont stress, dont worry... most of us TRY to heed that advice... telling ourselves one thing that we dont feel in our hearts.

I not only feel it, understand it, know it... but I am beginning to live it.

Not worrying and not stressing is like a bi-product of the work I have done. The more I understood the more I naturally relaxed.

My dad has a saying that I love, "Man makes plans, and God laughs."

How true.

Jesus and Astrology

A Catholic-Christian friend I know argue all the time... in a good way.

We challenge each other... He tells me I need Jesus and I tell him that Tarot Cards are okay.

We both are open hearted but there is something about us that just wont budge... mostly Fear. His Fear of the Bible being wrong and my Fear that Jesus is mad at me.

I have had plenty of restless nights asking Jesus to tell me if he does not want me to use Tarot Cards. But they always called to me... uplifted me... challenged me...

I worried that they were in fact "the Devil's cards."

I dont know why the Bible says that Tarot Cards are an abomination to the Lord. I think I bring flavor to the world. How boring would we all be without all those wonderful Devilish things.

Plus, I always said... Tarot is all in the heart of the reader. Bad reader.... bad reading.

Jesus's birth started the celebration of all birthdays... not just his. That when the stars were aligned jsut right, you were born.... Just as Jesus had his destiny, so do all of us.....

It is in the stars...

That is, if we all can follow in Jesus's footsteps.  Simply accepting him into your heart is not give you salvation. Yes, confessing your sins will always be followed by healing... but we all must do our work and walk our paths.

I am mad at religions that make psychics and witches seem evil and I am mad at the Bible for hinting at these as well.

Astrologers found Jesus.... this teaches us that there is Truth in the stars. We celebrate each of our own birthdays because of the same reason.

I still havent really figured out how I fit in with Jesus, the Bible, Occult Magic, Psychic, and all that blah blah.

All I know is that I love the Tarot. It has brought me closer to myself, others, Truth, and even Jesus himself. So I am going to stop thinking about it and just go with it.

The Chariot and The Moon

Subconsciously, I know everything. It is my direct link to the collective unconscious.

The Moon, being of the subconscious, is limitless, and infinite... and the High Priestess is the gatekeeper of this knowledge.

It is all the is hidden and dark....

The Chariot, holds both the conscious mind and the subconscious mind with the reigns.

Steer too much into the subconscious and you are entering the wilderness.

The place where anything can go... Chaos.

Imagination runs wild in the moonlight.

The fact of the matter is, YOU are in control of both... no boogeymen can lurk from the darkness and terrorize your life without your say so....

Once the subconscious mind is harnessed... reigned in... you are then able to use it at your will to do magical things.

I pick and choose what I allow my subconscious to be used for.

When someone is no longer terrorized by their Fears and actually allow the High Priestess to open the gate and poor Knowledge and Truth into your heart.

I am Worthy.

September 10 Tarot Reading

I know I committed myself to writing a blog everyday... and I have already dropped the ball.

I have been having so much fun doing my Tarot readings and so many magical things have happened in my life lately that I dont even know where to start.

So I will just draw a spread:

: )

Present: Six of Pentacles

GIve and take. One must give before they receive. Send out the Energy to allow it to come back to you... Karma.

I am now going public with my knowledge.  I have started to offer my services to others... and in turn, will reap the rewards of sharing my gift with the world.

Problem: Ten of Swords

I have to admit... I have a little mental burnout... I CANT HELP IT I AM SO FULL OF SPIRIT!!!

Above: Three of Pentacles

I want to work more... I want to keep up the pace... I want to learn more, do more readings, I am on a roll.

Below: Eight of Swords (Reversed)

I am no longer bound. I have cut the ties to my insecurities...

Past: The Moon (Reversed)

I have left darkness... everything is in the light and CLEAR.

Future: Page of Swords

Seems like the mental burnout of the Ten of Swords is warning me that I need to take a break otherwise I might feel like I can no longer wield my Truth correctly.

Affecting Me: Death (Reversed)

Old thoughts are being stripped away... Time to chill out and let this card do its work.

External Influences: King of Pentacles

I am becoming an adept. A professional : )

Hopes and Fears: Four of Cups

I dont want to get self-absorbed. I want to keep God in the picture. Not me.

Final Outcome: The Devil

I think me and the Devil have a pretty good relationship at this point... this card has taught me so much.

I suppose this time it is trying to tell me to keep a healthy balance and the right mind set to continue. Maybe a do need a little break....

September 7, 2011 Tarot Reading

Present: Ten of Rods

I want to bring in my harvest.

Problem: Seven of Swords

I have to leave any thought patterns of the old ways.

Above: Wheel Of Fortune

I am descovering who it is I want to be.

Below: Justice

Of course, I knew I was going to pull this card from how I ended my last blog.

My work is paying off.

Past: King of Swords

I am the master of expressing my thoughts.

Future: The Fool

And so it begins...

Affecting Me: Ten of Swords

I'm putting all this mental struggle to rest now.... and only action remains.

External Influences: Queen of Swords

I am the master at digesting my thoughts.

Hopes and Fears: Ten of Pentacles

I WANT IT ALL... do I have the guts to allow it?

Final Outcome: Seven of Rods

Stake my Claim... Stay on Top.

Amazing

Yesterday's studies have paid off wonderfully. Life is beginning to unfold.

Having dropped so much baggage, I feel at ease. This, for anyone that knows me, is big.

Things are changing.

I remember this time last year, I was so wrought with torment and Fire that I could do almost nothing that wasn't painful. Internally painful.

At one point, I decided to stop beating myself up for not doing what I thought I was suppose to be doing. Or for doing things I felt I shouldn't have been.

I remember one day saying... I am going to do something I want RIGHT NOW.

I went and took a bath. Then I said, "What do I want to do next?"... then I did it. I did whatever the hell I wanted for the next two days. Obligations were thrown out the window.... I did nothing for anyone. I did what I wanted. Anything to make a little tiny change... then another step and another.

No matter how absurd or guiltily the Sins felt, I did them anyways... under control. I chose to do them... not my addictions.

If at that moment I wanted to devour a pint of Ben and Jerry's... so be it... guilt free.

After two days of allowing myself to do whatever, whenever, I started to feel better. Feeling better made me actually WANT to do the things I so dreaded to do before.

I was able to release the desires that I denied myself of.

Once satisfied.... Then came the Joy.

Over the following year, I backslid a lot. But I just said, "Tommorrow is another day."

And it always was.

And today, Justice has been served... my hard work is finally paying off.

Tuesday, September 6th Reading

Present: Queen of Cups

Loving, Intuitive, Spiritual, and Psychic, this queen is linked to everything through her heart.

I am just in Love with Everything : )

Problem: The Hanged Man

I have to say, I havent gotten this guy in a looooong time.

I have just recently experienced a wake up call, and along with that realization, I have gained a new perspective on things.

Above: Ten of Swords

An idea has finally been put to rest.

Below: Strength

Ahhhh... somehow I knew that discussing the cards in my last blog one would pop up here somewhere.

Fortitude, Endurance, Inner Strength, Persistence, Embracing all that is primal and "Evil" and meeting it with honest care and cooperation.

Past: Five of Wands

The struggle with new ideas and how to fit them in their proper order.

Future: Ten of Pentacles

My world is going to be filled with happiness. The gift of prosperity, the gift of Love and relationships, the gift of growing old, luxury, wealth, and fulfillment.

Affecting Me: Ace of Swords

A new way of thinking is crystal clear.

External Influences: The World

It is complete. I have struggled with ideas, strained my brain and stretched my consciousness, but I have completed this cycle.

Hopes and Fears: Eight of Swords

This woman is bound and blind. Her seemingly helplessness is simply not so. At any moment she could release herself.

Do I have it takes to remove this blockage?

Final Outcome: Empress

The mother of the Earth.  The Energy to which all things grow and prosper. Fruitation. Reproduction and Evolution.

Enjoying all that is... Enjoying the cycle of nature and the wisdom beneath the functions.

She is the Power behind all things physical. She is the gatekeeper to life and death on the physical level.

She is everything in nature... from the beautiful trees to the decay of a deer carcass.

Sometimes, the Empress is not pretty... but she is always necessary. You can indulge in her fruits and sow great wealth, but you can also experience survival.

Everyone knows survival mode. It is driven by Fear. A drive to survive and a fear of death.

That is the Dark side of Empress.

The Light side, however, is abundant and luxurious. Bountiful and full filling.

I choose the Light side.