I Got The Focus I Was Looking For...

I am sure there are tons of people wanting to know the unfolding tale of the lonely Tarot reader from Wyoming. *Insert Sarcasm* But yesterday was a very very interesting day for me. Our meeting was at Noon the internet was finicky as she said that the connection in the Czech Republic isn't the best. She was amazing. She had been studying Astrology for quite a while and was flabbergasted by how much our chart was alike but completely the opposite. We both have two stelliums in Scorpio and Capricorn. Meaning we both have three planets in those signs. Powerful concentrated energy... also a bit of temper on my side (Mars in Scorpio ;)

She being an Aquarian Rat just like me we communicated perfectly. I joked that she was my doppelganger.... but most likely I was hers. 

She begins to tell me, "I see two choices. Both choices would be beneficial to you, Though one would be beneficial to your spirit, and the other beneficial to your wallet."

Referencing my previous spread on the whole thing my eyes went straight for the Choice card. I could continue on this path of talking with publishers and rubbing elbows with people at conferences and be a "successful" Tarot Reader... or another option. 

Then she goes on to tell me, "The first choice has to do with healing, Deep emotional healing at that. Showing others how to look at their innermost drives and desires.  This would satisfy you greatly, as in your birthchart it shows a deep interest in the mysteries of self, as well as healing a love of philosophy and and understanding of where you fit into this world has made you who you are.  This could be something grand for others to learn as well.  Death is the card behind this."

Indeed. Confirmation. The Angel de los Muertos. This Angel says, "You must not delay activating this lifetime's purpose. To activate your new life now while you are still alive. It is no longer necessary to pass, to re-create the life contract and purpose you have. Do not wish to leave in order to start anew: Believe that this life is a constant process of creation and that you are at a point where you can end a pattern, without ending its life. Energy is changing, and Death is no longer the greatest re-shaper. She comes to visit you now so the fear of mortality passes and so that you understand you can begin to rebirth yourself into a new life, now."

The Reader continues to consult me, "The other choice would bring more benefits to your wallet, but it requires you to blend in with the part of the world you don't necessarily agree with.

The practical world, where Rules and Laws are a big deal. As you know about yourself, you have your own standard of rules and laws, that have nothing to do with the outside world ;)

That decision would cause your rebellion to act up quite a bit.  A problem with masculine authority would make it hard for you to succeed. Those are exactly the types you would have to deal with.  People who don't believe in what you believe in...They will fight you the whole way, and make it hard for you.  This is the Hierophant card."

Such has been my life. I am so rebellious by nature. It is the Uranus in me ;)  I hate being told what to do... hence my censorship rant a little while back. I hate being told what I can and cannot do. Drives me mad. Pisses me off. I want to be free... but there is the Authoritarian Emperor and he does act out this energy through the Hierophant. Despite the fact that I cannot follow rules does not mean they do not exist.

Now is when she really pulled out the big guns... she did exactly what I do. She told me how it was.

"Because you tend to wear your emotions on your sleeves, and because you are a genuine person with true love for people...you want to make them see your way, because truly, it is the right way... a challenge that will truly satisfy your spirit....Unfortunately, instead of head on...(with an aggression that is common to someone with Mars in Scorpio) you have to challenge the status quo in a not so aggressive manner. it requires some creativity...which will also satisfy your spirit. The rat in you, has a lot of charisma...which will help."

Now funny story... my two best friends both have Mars in Scorpio as well. I have to admit it is pretty funny to realize that not everyone is like this... when you are surrounded by it... but again like attracts like and sometimes we need to pull our heads out of our asses and realize that even though our environment is reflecting us back to ourselves that there are other Universes than our own.


"but, what I see is you wanting to tackle those as strong willed as you, head on....but you will have more success, if you let those who want your help, come to you."

This is true... I have the birth card of the Five of Swords and it is like a life challenge to overcome its dark side. Which is of competition and failure. I still have some conditioning that needs to be re-wired in my head. Those who need my help will find me. To just focus on making myself available through intention and let the Universe take care of those details.

"The good thing is, your character is strong enough to stand up against whatever they throw at you."

Phew. I needed to hear that. One of my motto's is "Be the type of person that if someone would speak ill of you no one would believe it".

"Your pros for the situation was a 6 of cups, but it was reversed. that means that you wearing your feelings on your shoulders might not help your situation. On the opposite side is the nine of swords....

Telling me that you truly have the capability to awaken people to your cause, and will not find trouble finding support, because you will bring inspiration to those who have seen the hardships you have had, getting to where you are.

Be wary, of letting rejection take away your hope.If people don't want to help, or wont see things your way, then know there is another way."

Again the Five of Swords... There are more ways than mine and even though I know that I cannot take it as a rejection every time someone perhaps calls me a hippy nut case who talks to cards. I am who I am.

"So, your emotional reflection is the four of pentacles reversed.

When it comes time to make a move, don't let fear hold you back...because even if you fail, you know what not to do next time.
It reminds you to play.  Keep in touch with your inner child to give yourself the dream that is truly meant for your soul."

And she is spitting my words right back at me. I preach this... but I am still working on practicing it. That when we are truly happy is when we experience our lives authentically. This lifetime is to explore who I am in this world this go around. So far I am a Tarot reader with a beautiful family... but I am still growing.

"This is a time of relaxation for you says the 4 of wands.

In order to balance yourself out, it is very much necessary.When the time comes, there will be an opportunity, but you have to take action at the right time. If you do not rest, and think about what you want to manifest, you may not see your opportunity.

Powerful fire energy card...can lead to arrogance.  That is why this time is so important to play .

I am also being urged to tell you, that the 4 of pentacles is only how the world sees things...it doesn't mean you have to... and in fact, the more you don't, the more others around you will see it differently as well."

All work and no play makes Mandy a arrogant asshole. And I see this. I feel this. This is true. I have been feeling thwarted and the passionate creative fiery energy ends up getting released in wrong ways. I have to stay lighthearted about my work otherwise I am not practicing what I am preaching. That whole inner child thing. A generational issue as well as a societal one.

But I can make a change. I think people have a hard time embracing the light side of the Four of Pentacles. It is about what is physical. It is our reality.. not perceived but can touch and feel. This is what is real. Not imagined... or hoped for... or delusional about... it is real right here and now. It is what we have created. It is the walls of our homes, the new rug for the bathroom. Fours are about stability and Pentacles is of the Earth.

It is being grounded. This card only poses a threat when it is the only energy being focused on. Then it can become trapping just like any other card.

"Your personal belief card is the Moon.

In this position I see self analysis is very important to you.  your emotions for the most part. Its apart of that compartmentalization thing you mentioned. You know yourself, things come to you. Premonitions, when to do thing, and what to do.

You have insights into yourself, and into your life, that most people don't have because most people do not look inward. they blame the outside world for the way things are. You know when its the outside world, and when its yourself. You can see whats wrong, and then you have to fix it. You would be a wonderful umm whats it called... a person that listens to both sides, and then gives a solution"

Me: A litigator?

Her: Yeah but in a spiritual sense...

Me: A Counselor?

Her: I guess that is what Tarot reader is... communication between our higher selves and us

"Healing is definitely a career that would suit you its all over this reading and your birth chart. Well, your heart in this reading, is the 3 of Wands. I see that you are very open minded and receptive to things. You are full of confidence, and you know what you are good at. Very good at communicating what you want.

I see that the more people you communicate with the better.  Tell people of your goals and you will be surprised with what doors appear in front of you.Your heart seems to want a group of like minded people to start something with.  I'm not sure what..."

Funny she has no idea about my Tarot of the Circus project I bet ; )

Then all of a sudden I felt her start to channel and she said,

"I am wanting to teach women how to empower themselves.  How to take charge of their destinies, and how to find their place in the world.

So I want to do classes on how to give yourself Tarot, Numerology and Birth Chart readings, so you know when to do things, and when not to."

Bingo. She found me. She had me right where I wanted her to... I hoped she was gentle from that moment on. I had explained to her that I am having a hard time managing my resources and knowing where my energy is best to be focused. I have so many new starts on my plate and my family is in that mix as well.

"That is because now is the time for gathering ideas. Your birth chart says you know how to put things together, so since you don't know how at this time, you are not meant to."

Then she channeled again, "She knows when it is time to act."

This made me chuckle a little because I do... know when to act. I think on a some level we all do... we just are capable of being in the past and the future at the same time. The part of us that resides in the present is fully aware of when to act.

"Your inner knowing is the 4 of Swords. I see that while you are resting, so you are content for now...study

research what is already out there, competition wise observe other people that are doing what we want to do
see what they are sucking at. Or not offering. You notice there are no schools for what we want to do
no schools that teach these things there are seminars, which costs thousands of dollars, but we are reminded that money is not the most important thing....as long as we are fed and housed, and can travel.

This is a time for patience. For becoming organized. What exactly are the steps to be taken?"

It makes me happy to know that the questions I have been asking myself are exactly the questions I need to ask myself at this exact moment.

"What are the scientific arguments those of a opposite mind could throw at us? Religions and such..."

She picked that up too. I live in Wyoming with a bunch of Mormons. The fact of the matter is if any Mormon partakes in my practices they run the change of being ex-communicated from their church. That is intense considering how much the Church is en grained in the community around here. I need to know my shit. I have to bridge the gap between what I do and what they think.

This is very useful information.

"The Spiritual Influences card, which is crowing our whole reading is the King of Pentacles. This dream you had, is going to be successful, but slow, methodical steps must be taken. There will be strong and faithful allies in the course of your path. Those allies will be good at the things you suck at gathering resources, does not always mean financial ones."

This is interesting to me. There are allies here. There is a Chiropractic center here that I know uses Reiki and Pendulums. There is a Rock Shop here that I know does these things. I am not alone.

Then She mentioned something that was like a duh... why didn't I think of that before. That Aha moment. She said if I offered Yoga it would bring in a lot of traffic. It was perfect. Yoga goes along with everything I believe. Being an Aquarian I am usually too up in my head to move. Literally. I hate exercise... Loathe it. But I do love my body and I have been able to have three kids and still slim down quickly to the point it worried people. I have a very Marriane Williamson angle to my body. She wrote a book on weight loss that I personally agree with. I feel Yoga and that idealism are something that woman need to learn.

I could so totally do this. I have the space. Trauma always is released during movement of the body and my skills and know how would come in handy for these women. I do not have to openly advertise myself as a Tarot reader...

Plus, I would not be competing with the Rock Shop or Chiropractors office and I would offer something that is not around here. Yoga. Plus I would get a rockin body and be more healthy myself.

I could have sessions of and intimate 6 people a session paying 5-10 bucks each. Do one in the morning and one in the evening. Early after the kids go to school and just after dinner.

It is just so crazy it may work!

So I drew some cards into my own created Green Eye Spread. Six of Pentacles.... the Universal flow of energy on the physical plane. Giving and receiving must be balanced. Resting, Playing, being a Mom, A Wife, A Yoga and Tarot Reader. There is so much but it is all so good. My heart is growing just thinking about it. I want to travel... but that will come in time when people want me to come and so a seminar or guest appearance in their shop for a weekend. The opportunity is there. If only I allow myself to receive it.

Queen of Wands. I have no reason to not just live joyfully now. No reason at all. I no longer feel trapped. She has freed me with illumination... the information, her Swords, were received straight into my heart (Cups).

Message Received.

The Message was that the Ten of Pentacles is possible and that it is a long term goal. I have the rest of my life to create it as I wish... and if I make a mistake... I can repent and choose again because Death energy has its Light side... it doesn't just ruthlessly take from us... we work with it to carve the masterpiece from the wood. To take away anything we do not want at a moments notice. To let what is not naturally us fall away.

It is a new day. A new life. A new home... a new work. A new everything. And anything is possible. All I have to do is focus on what my heart desires. The reason I can do this... is because I have brought all my darkness to light. As my friend Amanda told me, "I have made my skeletons dance."

The Four of Pentacles shows up again with the Empress that shows that the Empress is the first lady you go to to manifest... then you go the the Emperor second to define it and bring it to reality. He does bring order to chaos. The heart may be chaotic but it is what steers the brain.

-The symbolic meaning of number Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things. Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance...  Source

It is Gaia... Mother Earth. Bringing my dream to reality through the patient and time of the Emperor. You need both energies for creation. For Union. Blending two opposite parts. The drive of the Emperor to succeed yet the support of the Mother to the community. The changing of the seasons. The Rhythm of things. It is a new way of living. Here I am living at home... with my husband and three kids... working from home doing Yoga and Tarot... I mean that sounds heavenly does it not? All I need is a fire pit, a grill, and a book and I am going be a happy camper.

I always feel sorry for the Seven of Pentacles in this card. He looks so tired and sad. But this card is about accessing your progress. Stopping to see how far you have come and to make a plan to see completion through. One last card for good measure.

Queen of Swords. I know what to do. And when to do it. But what is she looking at?

The Page of Cups. Perfect. Mysticism. Inner Child. Romantic... dreamy... let your heart lead the way. 

As I sat here getting up and down being distracted with my kids Marie the reader sent me a message. Her husband is going to start a new website and she will do YouTube Videos of Astrology and me Tarot.

Woah. I guess you guys will be seeing more of me in the future after all.

Referencing my yearly spread it looks like I am still right on target. Four of Pentacles and The Faery Ring. Before I thought it meant the production of the Circus Tarot.... and perhaps that will come organically in time... but now I see it as February is about learning Yoga. I am pretty excited... it is time. My body is all about it... I can feel it deep in my cells that they want to move. (Reference the Action and Movement Oracle card from yesterday's spread). 

"So while it may look like fun, and like we are putting on a show... we are also learning just how we will keep the wild ones free and safe when the machines move in. We will never give up the wild places, and we will train, and learn, and understand the enemy and do what must be done to save our friends! The shapeshifters are helping us evolve. And we can assure you, you too must ever evolve and learn new skills and train practically to become able to live in the world of changes. Do not grow sedate and lazy or complacent become ALIVE! and feel the excitement of training, learning new skills and practices until your legs and hands and eyes hurt!!! Your sleep and food will them be well-earned!!!

Even beings as sweet and adorable as they must learn new abilities. They must learn how to train others, so that they can go on and teach the young ones the skills they need in the world of changes. For when the Circus gathers it may look fun and simple but everything they are learning here is vital to their education and for their ancestral line in the future. There is some very serious intent below the surface of what is taking place here at this training field."

I guess back to the books for me... more studying needs to be done. And I am kinda excited to get to reading again. I feel like I have been reading the cards for months. This is going to be fucking AWESOME!!!!

Past Present Future On Steroids Spread

I like to use a lot of cards. Sweeping left to right I gather information of my past, present and future. 

All sorts thoughts and feelings about Death. A phase in my life is over and I need direction on how to move forward. We have the ability to choose what is best for us. Even our ideology. We make choices everyday that carves our reality. The health of the body consists of not having negative identities. When we are feeling ill we tend to identify with it so much that instead of using the pain as a guide we give it power. 

You have to have a willingness to go with the flow. To let challenges of life flow past you freely, Remember though that each challenge brings you more possibilities, more challenges... Energy flows from our choices. Our beliefs. Recently I have realized some of my long term goals and I am meeting with a reader today to discuss what is next for me. So that I may choose wisely. Having died to the old me I am looking to re-create myself and my life more in line with who I am in the Hermit card. Looking for the way. Taking a step back and seeing what it is I truly want in the Four of Cups and knowing that there is something that I do not see in my subconscious that is awaiting to be acknowledged. 

By meeting with another reader I hope to get a better picture of what I am dealing with. The World and The Sun show me what my main goals are. To move towards completion and joy. To shine brightly and work more efficiently with the Universe with more focus on what I am trying to build in this world. To become the Queen of Wands and know where to direct that energy. I want to see things clearly and what will bring me more prosperity in the Ten of Pentacles. A solid foundation to build on. 

Everyone seeks the Truth in every situation. Ask your own questions and trust your answers. 

The Violet Angel says that there is something new in the horizon. "When she appears it is a sign that many wonderful coincidences, events, friendships, and changes you've been longing for are about to arrive at last! She wishes to arouse you so you will be ready to take full advantage of all the new blessings that are coming soon. Wake Up and Ready Yourself!!!"

This is exciting to me. To know that after Death the Dawn is coming.  I am on the verge of a new day.  I am excited to see what comes of the meeting. 

Daily Spread Work January 28, 2013

I got another birthday present yesterday... a nice piece of Tangerine Quartz!!! 

Tangerine Quartz

It is an excellent stone to use after shock or trauma and especially at the soul level. It can be used to heal after a psychic attack.

Root/Sacral and Solar Plexus Chakra 

Tangerine Quartz stimulates the joyful energy of the inner child, encouraging playfulness and curiosity, allowing us to learn and grow. It activates passion on all levels, from sexuality to creativity. It helps to overcome limitations and gives hope.

It aids in creativity and sexuality. Energy, Motivation, Vitality, and determination.

It is only natural that the first cards I pull from my Chakra Oracle speak of the Base Chakra, SElf-Esteem, and expression. I can see that already the crystal has made such an effect on me. 

• Sound: Music, Silence, Rhythm, Vibration
• Self-Esteem: Confidence, Self-Love, Self-Worth, Pride
• Base Chakra: Material World, Physical Vitality, Survival Instincts, Security, Grounding, Stability, Action, Perseverance, Foundation

I have been going through some serious personal growth. "She is an underwater (emotional) princess, and she is growing in ways she thought she would. Because soon... she is to be the queen, and she must make decisions. She feels uncertain about how she will perform when she is elevated and unsure of whether she can wield her power. She is very thoughtful as she contemplates the future-but all around her are the symbols of her future success. You are being asked by the Universe to step up into a more "senior" and conspicuous role, and you are concerned about whether you can be powerful and still be a good person. You will grow in ways that are perfect, and perfectly proportioned, just as the nautilus is."

I know that I am gifted and talented. It isn't just that I have a natural gift... it is that I work really really hard to perfect my craft. I have blended my craft into my life where there is no longer a line that separates the two. People are coming more and more... to see what I am made of. Everyone has self doubt. But we feel the fear and do it anyways if we want to attain greatness. Because change is scary. Sometimes we must take a risk and stretch beyond our comfort zone to see that we can be something bigger and better. 

The Lantern Fairy shows up to tell me that there is a clear solution to my hardships at the moment. This card, modeled after the Tower card in Tarot, sends gentler message. It says that if we pay attention and follow that light it will lead us under, around, and through walls without them having to be torn down by fate. 

It promises to be able to move through the obstacles without force or fear. The wall is coming down... between my Tarot Magical World and my prior Mundane Reality. They are becoming one. 

The Snow Angel is my "bitch please" card. You already know. I do already know. I am good at what I do... I just need to have confidence and believe in myself. Like Joan of Arc I was born to do this. I have many tools and have learned to use them well. It is now time to teach others the tools that have made me who I am.

"These faceless ones are coming to me, trying to take advantage of what they see as my moment of weakness- but I do not fear them, as I know they are blank, formless, and simply taking on any energy they can find. I know who I am, and I clearly see that they do not. They are simply spirits who have lost their way, so they feed off of others. I may not be at my strongest at this time, for I know who they are, but neither will I give my energy away to them. Know that until they find their own selves, and commit to following that path, they will be as blank pages: written upon by whatever hand comes near them. Do not be like this. Make your own mark on this world."

Well says a lot to me. These are the people I am helping. Helping people find their own way... their own identity. Not everyone has yet... and are lost in the sea of influence. I know who I am. Let me help you find who you are. 

My work is picking up pace and fast. Spirit is bringing a sense of satisfaction in my work. I am now grounded and comfortable in my new house and can fully open my heart now that I am safe at home. But the fact of the matter is I need to be more careful of whom I share myself with. Not to be so emotionally slutty because as people change they wrestle with fear and until love wins... the process is very sensitive. 

I need to be more confident in what I know and learn from past mistakes. People are not always so honest with who they really are.... especially when they want something from you or are trying to impress you. 

I grow and change... but not everyone is on the path. Don't feel sorry for yourself and use it as a reason to keep people out of your heart and mind... simply learn more self preservation. Respect yourself enough to protect yourself. I am in control of me... not them... fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me. 

Any mental attack can be shielded when you are aware that you are complete unto yourself. Then anything else will just look like a big fat lie. A new world is building and I am helping it grow. It is new. Young. As am I. But I am willing to mold it... take whatever immature ideas I have at this moment and make them real. I am ready to make a plan on how to proceed. I have an appointment tomorrow to sit with another reader and figure these things out. I am pretty excited about it. 

I am full of un-directed energy. I am super creative and if I do not express my art I get depressed. All my life if I am bottling up my Firey inspiration then my system goes crazy wonky. It is a start of something new and I have no idea what it is... but I am ready to take risks and follow my passion to wherever it leads. 

Just out of curiosity I am going to lay another card of the Fool and the Ace of Wands to see where Tarot wants this energy directed. 

The Magician. Sweet. I can create anything I want. The question is... as it always is... what do I want???

All of this energy is waiting for me to channel it down to Earth. Hopefully I can get this all figured out here soon. But the process is really exciting. I cannot wait to see what I am capable of creating. 

I love these cards. Look at the light shining off of them. My FAVORITE!!!! 

Anyways... so we have Infinite Possibilities. "There is never only on answer to any question. Listen deeply to the light within you. That light carries the memories of all time and brings to you the awareness that beyond nay singular solution there are more questions and  more solutions. Your choices are driven by your questions. Request what you need... what you want, and the solutions will unveil themselves."

It is interesting this message keeps coming up. Ask and you shall receive. The hard part is most people have no friggin clue what they really truly want. Their soul wants are battling for creation with their ego selves. Their conditioning of what makes a person happy might not always match up with what truly makes us happy. 

As for me... I love crystals... and cards... I love playing with them. I love reading books. I love sitting at home and watching movies with my kids. When we really peel all the layers away we realize that it takes very little to make us happy. But I am a dreamer and I dream of taking the kids on vacation all over the world. Eating foods in different cultures. I love clothes!!! Oh how I love clothes. I would love to get my hair cut at a salon!!! Oh and how I would loooove to get a big girl phone so I can do my work networking from it. And a new laptop to work out of my new shop!! oh and my shop! I need a table and chairs and curtains and paint and plants and more CRYSTALS!!!! LOTS AND LOTS OF CYRSTALS!!!!!

Oh I have wants all right. But my happiness is not gauged by my wants or even my needs. It is determined on what I get the satisfaction from... the Nine of Cups. I enjoy working... I enjoy bringing my spiritual and creative work to the physical plane. I have my whole life to create what I want. To paint my masterpiece in life and it is so much easier to do when you truly know there are infinite possibilities. Then the Universe has a whole lot to work with in order to give me what I want. The Universe is in love with me and wants to see me soooooo happy!

"Gateway: Creation: The Gateway of creation teaches the experiencer the entire how's and whys of the cosmic processes. The meta-sciences, the very basic principles of consciousness and reality are through this gateway. There is no illusion here and what you seek to learn is within your grasp. There are no admission fees for entering this gate except undiluted humility and an absent need to know. Once inside of this powerful portal you can realize that you are the creator and the multiverses are your palate. What is your desire?"

Again. Desire. What do you desire? Obviously I am having issues with this because if I knew... I would just go to it.. go get it. Right?

"You are looking to others much of the time to fill your needs. These perceived needs are generally because you want attention, validation, to be noticed. You must realize that others have nothing more inside of themselves than you do. To be needful is to deny the fact that every resource that you need is within you. No one else has what you need. Remember that you cannot recognize what you have no yet given to yourself."

This whole post is very significant with this Leo Full Moon we have all been experiencing. The Solar energies. Self-esteem, self-confidence, self love...  

If we cannot love ourselves first... how can we expect anyone to love us? How can we accept love from others if we cannot love ourselves. We would feel unworthy. Unfit. This is what the Queen of Pentacles hints at in the Tarot spread. That we must be comfortable within ourselves in order to fight off any opposing energies. It is easy to stand up for ourselves when you respect yourself. It is easy to let people love you when you find yourself to be someone who you love as well. 

Our ego wants us to be the center of the show but the ego demands it of other... the true self just loves... everything.. everyone... ourselves unconditionally. The light in me honours the light in you. 

I suppose that is also a part of what I do... teach people to love themselves just the way they are and then allow the Universe to love them back. 

The World card in the Tarot spread explains just this. That each one of us is complete unto ourselves. It is not the validation of the world we need it is our own self validation. Instead of having to hear it from others we truly want to hear it from ourselves. A need to be loved is a call to love ourselves. Some people might confuse this as being self-absorbed, egocentric, or even narcissistic. But this is not true. It takes courage to reflect on oneself with love. 

Since I am changing so much so fast I decided to pull a Shapeshifter card. I got Snow White and Her Animal Friends: You inspire trust and confidence. 

Yay! That is good to hear. "The vulnerable ones like us come to you, not to take, but to show you how trusted you are. It is not a burden, it is a great honour. Rarely do we show  ourselves, but to you, we come, and lay our heads in your lap .There is such an air about you. You are a safe and good person. You have become the protector, and you are a caretaker with a covenant for the vulnerable ones. It is time to step up and protect others who are smaller and more fragile than you."

I suppose I am a natural Tarot reader. I enjoy people. Which is why it is hard for me to withhold myself from others at first. I am open and honest and have nothing to hide. But I do need to use my instincts more and to not feel like I need people around me. I am dancing on this tight rope. I love people but some of them have agendas.  People like me are ever surprised when we come across people like this... since our only agenda is to love and be loved... the true bohemian way. But it is only in our need to have people is where the problem lies. The need sends out the signal of us being desperate. Desperation attracts scary things. 

If you desire friends... but come off as needy you are sending the signal to the world that you are missing this piece of yourself. Then we lower our standards and don't see things for what they really are.. but what we want them to be.  Be your own friend first... and others will follow. 

The Green Eyed Gypsy

Funny... after I was done with this post I remembered my yearly spread....

Page of Swords and the Wolf Moon: I will watch over you.... This Oracle card is number one in order. The same as the Magician... I suppose it is a loud message that the lunar wolf will help me see through a dreamscape into clarity, keep danger at bay, and help me to change without causing harm to myself, or hurting others. Interesting... looks like I am right on track. 

I have to explore this more... the Wolf Moon is perfect for this month... 

• Full Wolf Moon – January Amid the cold and deep snows of midwinter, the wolf packs howled hungrily outside Indian villages. Thus, the name for January’s full Moon. Sometimes it was also referred to as the Old Moon, or the Moon After Yule.

For many wild creatures, the frigid conditions can be merciless, and maintaining their wellbeing is a daily struggle. Wolves, however, are an opportunistic clan, and other creatures who fall victim to winter's clutches are easy pickin' for a wolfy lunch. Wolves bellow their mightiest howls in January - it's a call to the clarity of the moon, a call echoing out through the crystal icelands of winter, a call heralding their dominance this time of year. If the gray, cold days of January get you down, invoke the Wolf as a totem of superiority, and victory over the brittle chill. Let out a grand howl yourself, and let your rebel yell serve as notice that you are here, you are noble, and you are fully capable of conquering whatever perceived avalanche may be in your way this January.

January can be a tough time for some of us who are profoundly affected by the seasons of our planet. It has to do with ancient themes of both hibernation as well as emergence from deep withdrawal.

The month of January was named after Janus for his ability to turn one face to reflect upon the past and a yet another face freshly pointed upon the future. This is so appropriate. January marks the new year for most of us humans. A new beginning.

In essence, the god Janus is kind of a bellhop or doorman for the mansions within our soul. Before us and behind us are endless doorways of potential and possibilities. Janus is privy to all of these potentials, and January proposes a perfect alignment of energies that allow the opening of all these doors so we may view the contents (insights, possibilities, reflections) inside.

Spread Work January 25, 2013

My Spread Work for the day!!! And it is going to be a good one. Today is a day of Temperance... of blending opposites.

All this new energy and excitement of not knowing what is coming next is refreshing.

It is bringing with it Spirit and Abundance...

The new wave of love and spirit pours over us... in a very real tangible way.

There is so much Spirit that the thoughts and feelings of separation are dwindling away naturally. Almost as if you have no choice but to believe now.

I can see clearly now... it may be slow but that is the way it should be. Gradually building piece by piece your masterpiece. We are focused. And nothing is stopping us now.

These feelings are so overwhelming it is almost like we do not know what to do with it!!! It is almost too good to allow ourselves to acknowledge these feelings.

But it is Justice... the cards say. It is getting what we deserve.

We are complete... we can see that now. A new way of living from this truth that we truly reap what we sow. We can now be at peace with ourselves and stop and look at all that we have worked for. To be able to wrap our arms around what we have and smile because it is all ours. We have created it Now we can just ride the way and enjoy the rocking.

To be full of love, joy, and appreciation. This is a new thing we are working with... cutting the mental cords that keep us from not being able to see the forest for the trees. Freeing ourselves.

We are connecting.... we love each other. The light in me honors the light in you.

So we bought our house... so you know what that means!!!! We got the old brick post office on the lot too!!!! Please let me introduce: Coming Soon: The Green Eyed Gypsy!!!!!

I am just so excited!!! The possibilities are endless!!!!

Not The Path Of Least Resistance

One of my favorite spreads is the Two Path Spread. It helps me to make decisions. One thing I noticed though is that Tarot isn't always going to tell you what you SHOULD do... it only lays out the cards in the energetic path of the outcome.

This is a perfect example. I always lay a few cards down going up to frame my state of mind and my situation. The Strength, Five of Wands, and the Two of Swords spells out quite the predicament. The left path is always the non-action approach... the feminine. The right is always the action or masculine. 

In this case you can see by leaving the Six of Swords promises peace in the Four of Swords and staying results in the Five of Cups but it will lead to the Ace of Swords. 

Now here is the tricky part. It is about personal responsibility. My husband used to get annoyed with me when I grabbed my cards when making any decision. "What about free will?" he would say. 

The cards don't take away my free will but they do allow me to access all parts of myself... even the unconscious parts. I am making decisions using the help of my higher self. How can I make a decision only using my conscious 20% of myself?

The cards don't tell me what to do... they simply show me the waves of energy emanating from both sides of the choice. Obviously the right path seems to be the path of least resistance. That does not mean that is the better choice to make. 

Pre-warned is pre-armed. When you know what you are dealing with it is easier to handle. Choosing the left path means you will have to deal with the energy of the Five of Cups but by pushing through that you will gain new clarity. A new way of looking at the situation. Since the Strength card came up it reinforces the message that perhaps the challenge needs to be taken on. It won't be easy with the Five of Cups. Small price to pay for enlightenment says the Universe. 

I can understand why people back in the day thought Tarot was evil. It has the capability to be so... when used in an ego-based way. If you think the Tarot makes you all powerful and God-like. Personal development is really important when it comes to using Tarot. It is a very very powerful tool. It must be used with great responsibility. 

Sometimes we have to take on challenges to grow. To change. One might take one look at this spread and think no way Jose I'm leaving and sailing away towards peace. I definitely do not want to suffer a loss. Feel sorrow and disappointment.  Perhaps it is part of a necessary grieving process that must be done. 

Our paths are full of challenges. With Tarot... at least you know what you are dealing with. It helps guide you. It might not tell you what you want to hear... but it will always tell you the Truth. 

A reader who has yet to transcend their ego is a scary thing. In order to be a Tarot reader it requires you to be better than that. To be something more than yourself. Working with it though will purify you. It turns metal into gold. But you have to work for it... but it is always worth it.

“It is not by studying Occultism for selfish ends,
for the gratification of one’s personal
ambition, pride, or vanity,
that one can ever reach the true goal:
that of helping suffering mankind.”

- H. P. Blavatsky

Tetrahedron Spread

The last couple weeks I have been Tempered a lot. My Masculine and Feminine sides have been really really out of whack. Bouncing back and forth between my magical life and my mundane one. They fight each other. The Emperor in my head restricts me with rules within and without while my Empress heart wants to be free. Order comes in the control chaos. Resistance is futile. You are only battling yourself. 

I drew The Tetrahedron Spread 

1) The Heart of the Matter: You are not allowing your emotions to fully process and that sometimes you become stagnant of unprocessed emotion that you find it hard to function on some days at all. Let your emotions flow. Let yourself acknowledge and process whatever comes your way. Remember that you cannot ever lose or give away anything that you have not first fully owned. 

2) Karmic Challenge: Courage Amongst Change. Often we don't change unless some invisible force shakes us out of our comfort zone and propels us into the unknown. When this happens, we often resist, kicking and screaming the whole way. By our resistance we create roadblocks where there were none, difficulties where there could have been ease, and often our fear of the new and different leaves us stuck in the mundane. You are being put on notice that great changes are coming into your experience and to allow yourself to flow through them with Grace and ease. Know that even when there are unknowns, creation always knows and will never steer you wrong. Ride the wave of change like the true warrior you are!

3) Point of Resistance:  Trinity of Light. This symbol is a powerful validation that the light within you is awakening and that your spiritual journey is about to skyrocket into infinite territories. Remember in it all to be light of spirit and unafraid of your journey. 

4) Issues of the Feminine Balance: You often become mired in life, not being able to see past the immensity of what it brings. You feel stuck, unchallenged, bored even. There are always options for something different. You are challenged to look up from your sense of impossibility to realize that nothing is impossible, it is all simple when you look from every angle and you are the creator of whatever experience you desire, go for it. 

5) Issues of the Masculine Balance: You are a warrior of spirit, destined to stand up for your beliefs and those of others you consider truth. Remember no war is ever won when fought with negative forces. Use the light and it will guide you to victory in every matter. True power is gentle power, that which is of the heart and no aggression. 

6) Challenge of the Spirit on a Soul Level: As Above So Below. Whether we realize it or not all things are created of us and we are created of all things. What is cosmic in nature in how creation is formed, how it works continually regenerating itself and the reality that comes from that creative process is not only outside of us but inside of us too. The very light from which we are created shines not only in some nebulous place that we can't necessarily see or hear or touch, but also inside each of us. When we truly tap into our source, what we find is a part of us that we had not yet discovered, patiently listening, waiting for us to connect. When we allow ourselves the freedom to reconnect with that perfect part of us our journeys become seamless experiences that are filled with truth and occur with grace and ease. You are in a divine marriage of humanity and infinite expression.

7) Earthly Challenge Human Aspects: Your body is pre-programmed with an intricate set of instructions to be what it is. But you can change that. What is it that you mean to create in your physical experience, how you feel, how your body responds to your commands? This first step to creating your future body is to accept the one you have now unconditionally. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, the rest is easy.

8) Perceptions Involved in the Matter: Perhaps you hesitate to give because to do so would leave you open to rejection. Being in the flow requires both giving and receiving. One cannot balance without the other. Begin to set yourself free by allowing yourself to share with others what is in your heart. 

9) Potential Outcome: Part of you has chosen the easier path believing that ignorance is bliss. Find your spontaneity and let yourself travel in body and spirit into the unknown where you will find exactly what you seek.

  

There Is No Justification For Censorship

I am in a very feisty mood today. The last couple of days I have been resting in the Four of Swords. Today I woke up refreshed.  I love Facebook. It has single handily introduced me to the most amazing people I have ever met from all around the world. I love checking it everyday to see what the new fresh things are happening in the Tarot community. The downside is you have to deal with the ignorance that is the uneducated person. What pisses me off the most is that its the idiots who are allowed a voice and not people like me. I have been censored twice in this last week. There is nothing that drives me more bananas than feeling oppressed. (Remember I am an Aquarius and I enjoy my God given Freedom and Constitutional Rights) The right to free speech. By censoring ANYTHING we are giving the message that some people are not important. I hate listening to people's denial too. I hate reading people's fear just as much as you do... but I have the right to click "unfriend" just as much as they have the right to post how they think and feel. My choice is what I am going to believe. Censorship takes that right away from me.

But what about personal agendas???? Then trust that people are smart enough to draw that conclusion for themselves... instead of treating people like children who need to be protected.

This, of course, is my opinion... my voice. But let's see what the cards have to say about it. I will pull three from my Chakra Insight Oracle.

Creativity (Imagination, Expression, Originality, Passion) Possession (Belongings, Finances, Assets, Treasures) Communication (Self-Expression, Exchange, Sharing, Connection)

Right. Exactly. I want freedom of creation. Freedom to express that. To be able to share it with others and learn and teach. We forget that we learn just as much from the bad behavior as we do the good. Actually I think a lot can argue that we learn more from the wrong doings. We need to allow the space for people to make their own decisions.... no matter what that decision is and if we agree with it.

The middle card speaks of ownership. Things people think they own at least. It is about control. People who have the money have the control. Sucks but it is true. People want money and they will kiss the ass of the people who have both the money and the control.

I feel like I have a lot of emotions about this. I am being affected very strongly. I want to know why.

The cards say that is it my nature to rebel. To fight containment. The Seven of Cups speaks of Illusion. Am I being disillusioned? I drew another card on it... The High Priestess. Seeing through the Illusion... through the Veil. Past all the bullshit excuses and justifications. We all need to learn from each other. It is not for us to judge what is good or bad... right or wrong.  

Censoring: a person who supervises conduct and morals. 

Censor: n official (as in time of war) who reads communications (as letters) and deletes material considered sensitive or harmful. 

Who is the Judge and Jury? And who are we really protecting removing certain material from the public eye?

The Nine of Pentacles says to come back home and wrestle these impulses I have. You win by gentleness... not by force... remember???? I am trying to come from an honest place within myself and temper my harsh words and thoughts that I am capable of doing. It will only make me look like an insecure person attacking everyone. 

I am coming from the Two of Cups and the Two of Pentacles.... can't we all just get along??? How can we change things if we aren't willing to listen to each other? Even if an agreement isn't came to... it is the experience alone that changes us in subtle ways on the outside but profoundly on the inside. We all walk away different from each other. 

My brain works so fast I have a hard time keep my mouth shut sometimes. I know this. But that doesn't make me wrong. I want to shine like the Sun and enjoy who I am in all my parts... not have someone put me in a box. I want everyone to honor and love each other even in our differences. 

The Five of Swords shows how we always are on the defensive... always waiting to get offended and duke it out with each other. There is no right or wrong people. It is a concept of the ego.  Adopt the attitude of the Ten of Cups and realize that we all can appreciate and honor each other's feeling while having safe boundaries of our own. The Seven of Swords shows that there is some foul play going around. Who can you  trust? I mean really. It is all such bullshit. 

The Four of Pentacles and the Three of Wands speak to me. What are we creating? More of the same? Holding onto what? Sitting there on your spiritual peddle stool. Who crowned you king of the world? Mine Mine Mine he says. I don't want to change. We have to be able to see past that. Past the illusion. In order to be a leader one must set the example. To be in a position of power requires to fight for what is right. Putting people's freedoms first. 

Why is the Universe sending me all these messages and experiences? I suppose the cards say to learn Temperance and control. To blend those action forces and receptive forces. To do as one wishes... but to take no shit while doing it. To have inner strength to be able to give and take opinions. To give and receive them with love.... cause in the end... it is a choice. 

I have spent the last two weeks being attacked by what it seems is everyone. Everyone is scrambling searching on where to point the finger on why life isn't the way they want it. Looking outside of themselves instead of within. 

I doubt myself a lot. I am scared to truly voice my opinion... as it most of the time ends up with someone hating me. I call it like I see it and I'm sorry you do not like it. It is me being who I am. Love is not always nice. Love is sometimes rough, hurtful, and mean... and it makes you stronger for it. I am not here to please people. I am not here to save the world or become famous... all I am trying to do is work on myself and offer it to others to take the lead in their own lives. 

"There is nothing new in this world or even in creation. There is constancy inherent within all that is. To flow willingly within that constancy, adding your experiences to the entirety is your true destiny. Knowing this, we can also realize that the choices we make have been made before. Therefore, we can bear not the burden of guilt but of the fact that the choosing was ours and that the outcomes was totally dependent on our intentions. In our singular choosing is the continuity of creation choosing and learning from it own free will"

"Your physical aspect remains an obstacle. You and your body are continually at war with each other; you are wishing it were something that it is not, your body only doing as you ask. Resistance to the body does not serve you or it. Expand your spirit until it has filled you and you can no longer tell the difference."

"The possibility of a divided relationship. Perhaps even irreconcilable differences. What this card asks you to consider is if the reasons for separation outweigh the reasons for staying in the relationship. Often differences arise from taking personally the perceptions of another. If you feel it is truly over then let it be over. Finish it with your partner and in your heart, mind, and soul. Sometimes relationships are not meant to be forever but they always serve a purpose."

Thank you. Yes. Exactly what I am saying. The conflict will never cease. But our ability to not take things personally can.  The masculine and feminine will always be in a dance with each other. 

                                

An unstoppable force meets and unmovable object. The senex and the puer. The natural order of things. Here are the natural forces of good and evil naturally balanced in a ballet or movement and evolution. Then man comes along and refuses to move. Tries to hold on and control everything around them. And then justify it by saying it is for your good not theirs. They were only wanting to protect you. I call hogwash and horseshit.  Instead of saying sorry I was wrong it needed to be justified. I'm doing it for you... don't ya know. 

Let me just stomp on you a little bit so that you don't get all carried away and get yourself hurt. Or God forbid challenge anyone who signs the checks. 

She appears when energies with major differences collide: when intentions are vastly different, when techniques are worlds apart, and when incompatible belief systems meet up!

There is nothing wrong with difference. Diversity is wonderful. Shadows and light are beautiful and necessary and can coexist in harmony. But certain kinds of difference do not blend.... when this happens all you can do is stand in your integrity. And stand strong. It is natural to feel tension to become even more entrenched in their beliefs, and to refuse to let go. 

Phew I I feel a lot better now. That I have that off my chest. 

So I asked the cards how are these experiences changing me? I got Wisdom as light as a feather. A piece of priceless wisdom was learned in a very simple easy way. You may receive signs that the wisdom of the owl is with you. The unblinking eye, the truth teller, the one who is the friend of the Goddess, from Athene to Blodeawedd. It is likey that people may underestimate you, or feel that because you have a light touch that you are not to be taken seriously. Nothing could be further from the truth. In matters of Justice, you will now be triumphant, even with the lightest of touches. 

Again Strength and Temperance. To allow conflict to change us.  Do not deny people freedoms. Don't be so quick to take offense to everything. Honor in the manner you wish to be honored. Everyone should be safe and free to express themselves. Everyone has a choice on whether or not to be involved in someone else's universe or not. There is an un-friend button in life.