I Got The Focus I Was Looking For...

I am sure there are tons of people wanting to know the unfolding tale of the lonely Tarot reader from Wyoming. *Insert Sarcasm* But yesterday was a very very interesting day for me. Our meeting was at Noon the internet was finicky as she said that the connection in the Czech Republic isn't the best. She was amazing. She had been studying Astrology for quite a while and was flabbergasted by how much our chart was alike but completely the opposite. We both have two stelliums in Scorpio and Capricorn. Meaning we both have three planets in those signs. Powerful concentrated energy... also a bit of temper on my side (Mars in Scorpio ;)

She being an Aquarian Rat just like me we communicated perfectly. I joked that she was my doppelganger.... but most likely I was hers. 

She begins to tell me, "I see two choices. Both choices would be beneficial to you, Though one would be beneficial to your spirit, and the other beneficial to your wallet."

Referencing my previous spread on the whole thing my eyes went straight for the Choice card. I could continue on this path of talking with publishers and rubbing elbows with people at conferences and be a "successful" Tarot Reader... or another option. 

Then she goes on to tell me, "The first choice has to do with healing, Deep emotional healing at that. Showing others how to look at their innermost drives and desires.  This would satisfy you greatly, as in your birthchart it shows a deep interest in the mysteries of self, as well as healing a love of philosophy and and understanding of where you fit into this world has made you who you are.  This could be something grand for others to learn as well.  Death is the card behind this."

Indeed. Confirmation. The Angel de los Muertos. This Angel says, "You must not delay activating this lifetime's purpose. To activate your new life now while you are still alive. It is no longer necessary to pass, to re-create the life contract and purpose you have. Do not wish to leave in order to start anew: Believe that this life is a constant process of creation and that you are at a point where you can end a pattern, without ending its life. Energy is changing, and Death is no longer the greatest re-shaper. She comes to visit you now so the fear of mortality passes and so that you understand you can begin to rebirth yourself into a new life, now."

The Reader continues to consult me, "The other choice would bring more benefits to your wallet, but it requires you to blend in with the part of the world you don't necessarily agree with.

The practical world, where Rules and Laws are a big deal. As you know about yourself, you have your own standard of rules and laws, that have nothing to do with the outside world ;)

That decision would cause your rebellion to act up quite a bit.  A problem with masculine authority would make it hard for you to succeed. Those are exactly the types you would have to deal with.  People who don't believe in what you believe in...They will fight you the whole way, and make it hard for you.  This is the Hierophant card."

Such has been my life. I am so rebellious by nature. It is the Uranus in me ;)  I hate being told what to do... hence my censorship rant a little while back. I hate being told what I can and cannot do. Drives me mad. Pisses me off. I want to be free... but there is the Authoritarian Emperor and he does act out this energy through the Hierophant. Despite the fact that I cannot follow rules does not mean they do not exist.

Now is when she really pulled out the big guns... she did exactly what I do. She told me how it was.

"Because you tend to wear your emotions on your sleeves, and because you are a genuine person with true love for people...you want to make them see your way, because truly, it is the right way... a challenge that will truly satisfy your spirit....Unfortunately, instead of head on...(with an aggression that is common to someone with Mars in Scorpio) you have to challenge the status quo in a not so aggressive manner. it requires some creativity...which will also satisfy your spirit. The rat in you, has a lot of charisma...which will help."

Now funny story... my two best friends both have Mars in Scorpio as well. I have to admit it is pretty funny to realize that not everyone is like this... when you are surrounded by it... but again like attracts like and sometimes we need to pull our heads out of our asses and realize that even though our environment is reflecting us back to ourselves that there are other Universes than our own.


"but, what I see is you wanting to tackle those as strong willed as you, head on....but you will have more success, if you let those who want your help, come to you."

This is true... I have the birth card of the Five of Swords and it is like a life challenge to overcome its dark side. Which is of competition and failure. I still have some conditioning that needs to be re-wired in my head. Those who need my help will find me. To just focus on making myself available through intention and let the Universe take care of those details.

"The good thing is, your character is strong enough to stand up against whatever they throw at you."

Phew. I needed to hear that. One of my motto's is "Be the type of person that if someone would speak ill of you no one would believe it".

"Your pros for the situation was a 6 of cups, but it was reversed. that means that you wearing your feelings on your shoulders might not help your situation. On the opposite side is the nine of swords....

Telling me that you truly have the capability to awaken people to your cause, and will not find trouble finding support, because you will bring inspiration to those who have seen the hardships you have had, getting to where you are.

Be wary, of letting rejection take away your hope.If people don't want to help, or wont see things your way, then know there is another way."

Again the Five of Swords... There are more ways than mine and even though I know that I cannot take it as a rejection every time someone perhaps calls me a hippy nut case who talks to cards. I am who I am.

"So, your emotional reflection is the four of pentacles reversed.

When it comes time to make a move, don't let fear hold you back...because even if you fail, you know what not to do next time.
It reminds you to play.  Keep in touch with your inner child to give yourself the dream that is truly meant for your soul."

And she is spitting my words right back at me. I preach this... but I am still working on practicing it. That when we are truly happy is when we experience our lives authentically. This lifetime is to explore who I am in this world this go around. So far I am a Tarot reader with a beautiful family... but I am still growing.

"This is a time of relaxation for you says the 4 of wands.

In order to balance yourself out, it is very much necessary.When the time comes, there will be an opportunity, but you have to take action at the right time. If you do not rest, and think about what you want to manifest, you may not see your opportunity.

Powerful fire energy card...can lead to arrogance.  That is why this time is so important to play .

I am also being urged to tell you, that the 4 of pentacles is only how the world sees things...it doesn't mean you have to... and in fact, the more you don't, the more others around you will see it differently as well."

All work and no play makes Mandy a arrogant asshole. And I see this. I feel this. This is true. I have been feeling thwarted and the passionate creative fiery energy ends up getting released in wrong ways. I have to stay lighthearted about my work otherwise I am not practicing what I am preaching. That whole inner child thing. A generational issue as well as a societal one.

But I can make a change. I think people have a hard time embracing the light side of the Four of Pentacles. It is about what is physical. It is our reality.. not perceived but can touch and feel. This is what is real. Not imagined... or hoped for... or delusional about... it is real right here and now. It is what we have created. It is the walls of our homes, the new rug for the bathroom. Fours are about stability and Pentacles is of the Earth.

It is being grounded. This card only poses a threat when it is the only energy being focused on. Then it can become trapping just like any other card.

"Your personal belief card is the Moon.

In this position I see self analysis is very important to you.  your emotions for the most part. Its apart of that compartmentalization thing you mentioned. You know yourself, things come to you. Premonitions, when to do thing, and what to do.

You have insights into yourself, and into your life, that most people don't have because most people do not look inward. they blame the outside world for the way things are. You know when its the outside world, and when its yourself. You can see whats wrong, and then you have to fix it. You would be a wonderful umm whats it called... a person that listens to both sides, and then gives a solution"

Me: A litigator?

Her: Yeah but in a spiritual sense...

Me: A Counselor?

Her: I guess that is what Tarot reader is... communication between our higher selves and us

"Healing is definitely a career that would suit you its all over this reading and your birth chart. Well, your heart in this reading, is the 3 of Wands. I see that you are very open minded and receptive to things. You are full of confidence, and you know what you are good at. Very good at communicating what you want.

I see that the more people you communicate with the better.  Tell people of your goals and you will be surprised with what doors appear in front of you.Your heart seems to want a group of like minded people to start something with.  I'm not sure what..."

Funny she has no idea about my Tarot of the Circus project I bet ; )

Then all of a sudden I felt her start to channel and she said,

"I am wanting to teach women how to empower themselves.  How to take charge of their destinies, and how to find their place in the world.

So I want to do classes on how to give yourself Tarot, Numerology and Birth Chart readings, so you know when to do things, and when not to."

Bingo. She found me. She had me right where I wanted her to... I hoped she was gentle from that moment on. I had explained to her that I am having a hard time managing my resources and knowing where my energy is best to be focused. I have so many new starts on my plate and my family is in that mix as well.

"That is because now is the time for gathering ideas. Your birth chart says you know how to put things together, so since you don't know how at this time, you are not meant to."

Then she channeled again, "She knows when it is time to act."

This made me chuckle a little because I do... know when to act. I think on a some level we all do... we just are capable of being in the past and the future at the same time. The part of us that resides in the present is fully aware of when to act.

"Your inner knowing is the 4 of Swords. I see that while you are resting, so you are content for now...study

research what is already out there, competition wise observe other people that are doing what we want to do
see what they are sucking at. Or not offering. You notice there are no schools for what we want to do
no schools that teach these things there are seminars, which costs thousands of dollars, but we are reminded that money is not the most important thing....as long as we are fed and housed, and can travel.

This is a time for patience. For becoming organized. What exactly are the steps to be taken?"

It makes me happy to know that the questions I have been asking myself are exactly the questions I need to ask myself at this exact moment.

"What are the scientific arguments those of a opposite mind could throw at us? Religions and such..."

She picked that up too. I live in Wyoming with a bunch of Mormons. The fact of the matter is if any Mormon partakes in my practices they run the change of being ex-communicated from their church. That is intense considering how much the Church is en grained in the community around here. I need to know my shit. I have to bridge the gap between what I do and what they think.

This is very useful information.

"The Spiritual Influences card, which is crowing our whole reading is the King of Pentacles. This dream you had, is going to be successful, but slow, methodical steps must be taken. There will be strong and faithful allies in the course of your path. Those allies will be good at the things you suck at gathering resources, does not always mean financial ones."

This is interesting to me. There are allies here. There is a Chiropractic center here that I know uses Reiki and Pendulums. There is a Rock Shop here that I know does these things. I am not alone.

Then She mentioned something that was like a duh... why didn't I think of that before. That Aha moment. She said if I offered Yoga it would bring in a lot of traffic. It was perfect. Yoga goes along with everything I believe. Being an Aquarian I am usually too up in my head to move. Literally. I hate exercise... Loathe it. But I do love my body and I have been able to have three kids and still slim down quickly to the point it worried people. I have a very Marriane Williamson angle to my body. She wrote a book on weight loss that I personally agree with. I feel Yoga and that idealism are something that woman need to learn.

I could so totally do this. I have the space. Trauma always is released during movement of the body and my skills and know how would come in handy for these women. I do not have to openly advertise myself as a Tarot reader...

Plus, I would not be competing with the Rock Shop or Chiropractors office and I would offer something that is not around here. Yoga. Plus I would get a rockin body and be more healthy myself.

I could have sessions of and intimate 6 people a session paying 5-10 bucks each. Do one in the morning and one in the evening. Early after the kids go to school and just after dinner.

It is just so crazy it may work!

So I drew some cards into my own created Green Eye Spread. Six of Pentacles.... the Universal flow of energy on the physical plane. Giving and receiving must be balanced. Resting, Playing, being a Mom, A Wife, A Yoga and Tarot Reader. There is so much but it is all so good. My heart is growing just thinking about it. I want to travel... but that will come in time when people want me to come and so a seminar or guest appearance in their shop for a weekend. The opportunity is there. If only I allow myself to receive it.

Queen of Wands. I have no reason to not just live joyfully now. No reason at all. I no longer feel trapped. She has freed me with illumination... the information, her Swords, were received straight into my heart (Cups).

Message Received.

The Message was that the Ten of Pentacles is possible and that it is a long term goal. I have the rest of my life to create it as I wish... and if I make a mistake... I can repent and choose again because Death energy has its Light side... it doesn't just ruthlessly take from us... we work with it to carve the masterpiece from the wood. To take away anything we do not want at a moments notice. To let what is not naturally us fall away.

It is a new day. A new life. A new home... a new work. A new everything. And anything is possible. All I have to do is focus on what my heart desires. The reason I can do this... is because I have brought all my darkness to light. As my friend Amanda told me, "I have made my skeletons dance."

The Four of Pentacles shows up again with the Empress that shows that the Empress is the first lady you go to to manifest... then you go the the Emperor second to define it and bring it to reality. He does bring order to chaos. The heart may be chaotic but it is what steers the brain.

-The symbolic meaning of number Four deals with stability and invokes the grounded nature of all things. Consider the four seasons, four directions, four elements all these amazingly powerful essences wrapped up in the nice square package of Four. Fours represent solidity, calmness, and home. A recurrence of Four in your life may signify the need to get back to your roots, center yourself, or even "plant" yourself. Fours also indicate a need for persistence and endurance...  Source

It is Gaia... Mother Earth. Bringing my dream to reality through the patient and time of the Emperor. You need both energies for creation. For Union. Blending two opposite parts. The drive of the Emperor to succeed yet the support of the Mother to the community. The changing of the seasons. The Rhythm of things. It is a new way of living. Here I am living at home... with my husband and three kids... working from home doing Yoga and Tarot... I mean that sounds heavenly does it not? All I need is a fire pit, a grill, and a book and I am going be a happy camper.

I always feel sorry for the Seven of Pentacles in this card. He looks so tired and sad. But this card is about accessing your progress. Stopping to see how far you have come and to make a plan to see completion through. One last card for good measure.

Queen of Swords. I know what to do. And when to do it. But what is she looking at?

The Page of Cups. Perfect. Mysticism. Inner Child. Romantic... dreamy... let your heart lead the way. 

As I sat here getting up and down being distracted with my kids Marie the reader sent me a message. Her husband is going to start a new website and she will do YouTube Videos of Astrology and me Tarot.

Woah. I guess you guys will be seeing more of me in the future after all.

Referencing my yearly spread it looks like I am still right on target. Four of Pentacles and The Faery Ring. Before I thought it meant the production of the Circus Tarot.... and perhaps that will come organically in time... but now I see it as February is about learning Yoga. I am pretty excited... it is time. My body is all about it... I can feel it deep in my cells that they want to move. (Reference the Action and Movement Oracle card from yesterday's spread). 

"So while it may look like fun, and like we are putting on a show... we are also learning just how we will keep the wild ones free and safe when the machines move in. We will never give up the wild places, and we will train, and learn, and understand the enemy and do what must be done to save our friends! The shapeshifters are helping us evolve. And we can assure you, you too must ever evolve and learn new skills and train practically to become able to live in the world of changes. Do not grow sedate and lazy or complacent become ALIVE! and feel the excitement of training, learning new skills and practices until your legs and hands and eyes hurt!!! Your sleep and food will them be well-earned!!!

Even beings as sweet and adorable as they must learn new abilities. They must learn how to train others, so that they can go on and teach the young ones the skills they need in the world of changes. For when the Circus gathers it may look fun and simple but everything they are learning here is vital to their education and for their ancestral line in the future. There is some very serious intent below the surface of what is taking place here at this training field."

I guess back to the books for me... more studying needs to be done. And I am kinda excited to get to reading again. I feel like I have been reading the cards for months. This is going to be fucking AWESOME!!!!